UnNews:Hezbollah baffled by Israel's response

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 July 2006

A Hezbollah militant lays down covering fire for his comrades.

NABATIYEH, Lebanon: Israel has once again started bombing the snot out of Beirut, as a Hezbollah official (Mahmoud Komati) said today that he was baffled at Israel's response, stating, "Like seriously, that's like, not cool man. Chillax."

He goes on to say that Hezbollah's intentions were to play "keep away" with Israeli forces. "We were just messin' around!" he yells as an Israeli rocket shell slams into a building behind him, "We're setting off bottle rockets and they're launching missiles at us 'n shit!".

Despite this, Hezbollah still refuses to hand over the captured Israeli soldiers. An Israeli press spokesman told us that Israeli citizens are surprised that the savage Hezbollah haven't eaten the soldiers already (79% of Israelis confused "Hezbollah" with "Hannibal").

Komati then had this to say:

"It's like, messed up. We're using paintball guns and they're using real guns. Like, we are seriously just joking."

Sources

• AP "Israel resumes bombing on Beirut" MSNBC, July 25, 2006