UnNews:Geneva prepares for big party with 7 billion guests

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9 September 2008

The lights of Geneva will be the last thing every human being on earth sees in his or her life - until light itself will be sucked into the Geneva black hole, like anything else.

GENEVA, Switzerland - The city of Geneva prepares for the event of a lifetime. Tomorrow, the Large Hadron Collider is going to be switched on for the first (and obviously last) time. This will create a black hole - and black holes are most notable for their irresistible attraction to tourists, and all other sorts of matter, for that matter.

It might be tempting, but early arrived guests are kindly asked not to press the red button prematurely.

Only a few days ago, Geneva authorities finally realized that this will mean the number of visitors to the city will skyrocket to seven or eight billion people within a single day. The city is now in a frenzy to prepare for this number of people, organizing accommodation, food, drinks, entertainment, public viewing, public transport, and so on. "It's a challenge, but Geneva is used to hosting big international events. It will turn out fine, as always" said a city tourism official. He added that visitors are kindly asked to stand in line until it is their turn to be sucked into the black hole. Samples of hadrons will be distributed so that everyone can have a taste beforehand.

There will be a special convention of all Uncyclopedia authors at Ambassador Hotel in Geneva in the morning. Satirists are looking forward very much to this first universal world humour congress, and world humour is expected to reach a final peak since most jesters and storytellers are known to save their best gags for last.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.