UnNews:FOX to place ads in "censored" blurbs

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28 February 2007

Unless you're Simon Cowell, this is what you'll see on American Idol next season

LOS ANGELES, California - The FOX television network announced today that it will substantially increase its use of "product placement" advertising in next season's shows.

The network unveiled a plan this morning to place product logos over objectionable visual content. "It's the next step in creative advertising," explained marketing director C. R. "Cash" Kelley. "Those visual blurbs we've been using don't generate income. They're just wasted space."

Two bad boys do their part for Rupert Murdoch on Cops

Like other networks, FOX is facing increased competition for advertising dollars from new technologies such as the internet and even cell phones. Its parent company News Corp., which recently changed its name to The "Coca-Cola" News Corp., has been pressuring the network to develop a new revenue stream.

Expect a lot more wardrobe malfunctions next season

"It was either this or go with plan B, which was to have our stars dress up as cartoon characters," explained Kelly. House costars Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein were slated to appear at supermarket openings as Cap'n Crunch and the Swiss Miss. Ryan Seacrest will still appear as the Geico lizard, said Kelly, "because he wants to."

Before and after: Could this be the end of pixelated privates?

The first casualty of the network's new policy may be the planned airing of the Star Wars saga, which is now on hold. "It's all due to a lack of product placement opportunities," said Kelly. "Except possibly for Leia's bikini suit, which isn't transparent enough, and those things really aren't big enough to place a decent size logo anyway."

It was not immediately clear whether the network's plan would require approval from federal regulators. But FCC officials expressed concern privately that the network will now have an incentive to air racier content. "We might get involved if they start staging wardrobe malfunctions just to display a 'Got milk?' banner or a tampon ad," said an unnamed official. "But we're not concerned with the occasional Idol contestant who flips off Simon. Hell, I do that at home, don't you?"