UnNews:Entire world pissed off by Sopranos finale
11 June 2007
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EVERYWHERE, Planet Earth -- A collective scream of agonizing pain could be heard in every cable-ready household in America at 9:57p.m. yesterday evening, coinciding with the fucking ridiculous finale of HBO's hit series The Sopranos. The painful cries of fans everywhere were echoed by those who Tivo'd the concluding episode (similarly, don't be alarmed if you hear agonizing screams from neighbor's homes in the following days -- some people still haven't witnessed the tragedy yet first-hand). Millions of viewers sat through the otherwise tedious episode, watching loose ends remain loose (if not becoming even more ambiguous), wondering when the hell something resembling a conclusion was going to take place. An enraged Sopranos fan known to Uncyclopedia readership as this author exclaims: "AW!! FUCKING AWWW!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!! GOD DAMN IT MAN AHHHH AWWW!!!"
Eager to make sure that he wasn't completely insane (or, like 98% of his fellow Earthly inhabitants, lacking a capacity for abstract thought), this author placed several dozen phone calls internationally. Amongst the audible groans from other houses on the block, connections were made with Sopranos fans from several other nations, including England, Canada, and... well, England and Canada pretty much. According to a fan in Manchester; "I mean, I didn't want Tony to die... I didn't really want him to go to jail either. I just wanted fecking SOMETHING to happen! I mean, the black guys, that weird dude at the counter.. Meadow not being able to parallel park!!!! WHAT THE FUCK KINDA CULT PHENOMENON ENDS WITH THE ANTI-HERO EATING ONION RINGS?!11/1?"
Of the nearly 7 people reached for opinion on the episode, one defended the "bold" direction of executive producer, writer, director, and caterer of the episode, David Chase: "I like to pretend they're all real people, so in a way, it's nice to know that Tony is still out there stomping people's faces in for the good of the family. Kinda sucks about Sil though.." He also noted that though it was likely to be huffed mercilessly, the little orange cat was cool too.
Some believe the episode is a marketing ploy, leading into the eventual feature film version of The Sopranos. Others believe David Chase smoked a little too much hash with Peter Bogdanovich during his time filming episodes earlier in the season. Few answers are being given for the episode's profound anti-climactic culmination. All this author can do is reminisce about the grandeur of season one episodes, bitch about the non-concluding conclusion online, and... probably smoke some hash with Peter Bogdanovich.
Warning: The above text may have contained spoilers
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- Australian Wire Service "FUCKING JESUS, REALLY?!?!??!." Some Australian Publisher, June 11, 2007