UnNews:ESPN announcer Robert Lee removed from University of Virginia game, replaced by Ulysses Grant

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

In the wake of recent events at The University of Virginia in Charlottesville, ESPN has decided to remove Robert Lee from announcing a UVA game. Ulysses Grant will announce instead.

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virginia -- In light of recent events, Saturday's University of Virginia football game will suffer a minor, yet notable, shakeup. ESPN has announced that commentator Robert Lee will be moved to another game due to an unfortunate coincidence.

“We collectively made the decision with Robert to switch games as the tragic events in Charlottesville were unfolding, simply because of the coincidence of his name. In that moment it felt right to all parties. It’s a shame that this is even a topic of conversation and we regret that who calls play by play for a football game has become an issue.”

—ESPN, official statement

It was later announced that the new announcer would be announced to be Lee's rival of four years, Ulysses Grant, a pro-union sports commentator from up North.

"Ulysses Grant has 250 years of experience announcing college football and watching as the Northern team kicks the Southern team's ass," says ESPN spokeswoman Dixie Mason. "We are very sensitive to the recent events by white supremacists, neo-Confederates, and neo-Nazis. We're looking forward to Mr. Grant kicking it off with a bang!"

That "bang" will be a home game against The Bullets that has been dubbed "The Battle of Gettysburg."

Sources[edit]