UnNews:Discovery will launch for Space Station on Thursday. "Three out of five haven't blown up yet" says NASA

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 December 2006

The International Space Station was our last, best hope for peace. When the planet Bajor applied to join the United States it came as part of the deal

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- The Space Shuttle USS Discovery STS-1701, the first starship ever to be fitted with warp drive, will launch on Thursday to see if anyone is still interested in the International Space Station. Discovery's crew were elated when they were told they were going to live at least another two days.

Astronaut Sunita Williams will be dropped off on the Space Station for a six-month incarceration, replacing a German astronaut who has finally served the last of his sentence. Sunita will be locked in without possibility of reprieve or parole, and has apparently been denied the traditional rights to outside exercise on the grounds that her head would explode in a grisly burst of blood, bone and brain matter in the pitiless howling vacuum of outer space.

The European Space Agency's Christer Fuglesang, the first Swede in space, is expected to open the Solar System's first orbital Ikea despite having a ridiculous name. Parking is likely to be limited until planning permission is granted to extend the Space Station's docking arm.

The Space Shuttle Discovery, once a proud member of a fleet of five of cutting edge experimental reusable spacecraft, is now a twenty-five year old relic, built to a badly aged design that keeps blowing up. It is held together by duct tape, string, and the prayers of the faithful.

Even before its completion, the International Space Station is a largely forgotten conglomeration of failed construction agreements and billions of wasted dollars, which orbits like a failing shopping mall where the only businesses left are a "family" video game arcade scarred by years of cigarette burns, and an unsanitary Orange Julius.

Astronauts bypassing the ISS on their way to the Moon will, however, get a good chuckle at it.

Sources

• "Shuttle crew: Not doomed?" CNN, December 05, 2006