UnNews:Bill Cosby found guilty of every crime

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Thursday, April 26, 2018

Seriously, does this guy look guilty to you?

Bill Cosby -- that Jello-loving, Kodak-film hawking serial rapist and former TV dad -- has been found guilty of every sexual offence ever known, after a 20-year investigation concluded early this morning.

Cosby, former host of Kids Say the Darnedest Things, and who helped the BBC develop the Handheld Toddler Impregnation Device (H.T.I.D), could be looking at 30 years in prison. I hope they serve Jello.

Cosby is appealing, which won't go very far, let me tell ya.

Cosby was first accused of drugging and sexual crimes circa 2015. His victims' claims go back anywhere from 2004 to the mid-1960s. These accusations predate the #MeToo movement that spawned from similar accusations against now-disgraced powerhouse producer Harvey Weinstein. Now, everyone and their mother is being accused of something, and that's all I'm gonna say about that.