UnNews:Bettie Page rises from the grave

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16 December 2008

Bettie Page, the sexiest undead ever

LOS ANGELES, California - During her funeral at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery, the undead pin-up girl ripped open her coffin and started spraying a black blood-like substance on the guests, instantly changing them into pin-up model zombies. At the cemetery, she revived several prominent actresses and models buried there, among which is Marilyn Monroe.

Poor Marilyn, once glowing of beauty and energy, but her life of glitter and glamour ultimately became meaningless, and now she's already gotten tired of being undead

Surviving relatives have stated:

Cquote1.svg I thought things could hardly get any worse for her after she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was placed under state supervision for eight years. I was terribly wrong. Cquote2.svg
Cquote1.svg We should have kept her in a coma, at least she wouldn't have gotten all zombiotic. Cquote2.svg

Fans assert that:

Cquote1.svg How can she ever die? She has been an idol, a goddess, to so many. It would be heretical. She had no choice but to return to the realm of the living and turn us all into her slaves. Cquote2.svg

Bettie Page is presently spreading her legions across the USA. Her cult following has considerably increased in numbers. She claims that:

Cquote1.svg You will all love and worship me as your immortal queen!  KYAHAHAHA! Cquote2.svg