UnNews:Baby forced to deal with nipples, suffers as adult
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 May 2013
The worst is apparently not over yet for the world we are trying to protect. George Pukephalos, 35, just found out today that as a very young child, he not only had to see his mother's nipples but actually was forced to suck them for his nutrition! At the time of our reporting this Mr. Pukephalos is preparing to press charges against his mother, the perpetrator of this repeated crime, and his father who just stood by through the time period (approximately two years) without trying to stop what was happening. We managed to catch a distressed Mr. Pukephalos for comment.
| “ | I don't remember anything of the time! I must have been horrified... the whole ordeal has just been blotted out from my memory as if it never happened! It is good I have forgotten, of course: had this been otherwise, I would certainly be on my way to a mental hospital or worse. As it is, I will need to consult a very expensive therapist for possible remedies. I should probably consider myself lucky if the damage heals during my lifetime! | ” |
When asked how Mr. Pukephalos can be certain the vile deeds actually took place, he produces several black-and-white photographs. The photos contain proof that Mrs. Pukephalos made her helpless son suck the nipples quite unashamedly - sometimes when friends or relatives were visiting, and a few times even in a nearby park, in full public view!
We are always sorry to report such incidents as this. We are not a battle-hardened news service in the style of the larger, more cynical ones. I doubt we would even have touched this little piece of terror - but there seems to a comic side to the whole thing. The photos involved were not shot by some secret agent. They were actually photographed by none other than Mr. Martin Pukephalos, George's own father - the otherwise passive party of this offense against humanity! When will these psychotics ever learn?