UnNews:Astronomers organise pub crawl
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 January 2013
BRISBANE, Australia - After learning of a giant cloud of space-alcohol that Astronomers at Jodrell Bank Observatory discovered many years ago, members of the Brisbane Astronomical Society have now organised a pub crawl. Members have combined finances and have successfully funded the most grandiose astral-bound venture in history.
A special craft has been built for the journey and construction of the vessel is nearly complete. Lift-off is scheduled for 28 October 2013.
According to astronomers based at Britain's Jodrell Bank Observatory, led by Lisa Harvey-Smith, the vast bridge-shaped cloud of methyl alcohol is located in deep space, in an area where stars are being formed by the gravitational collapse of concentrations of gas and dust. Mr Joe Arkell, chairman of the Brisbane Astronomical Society states that "..it sounds like the party opportunity of a lifetime!"
Indeed, it shall be many lifetimes. Because of the time dilation effects, all participants have been made well aware that the journey will be one way. Upon their return, it is highly likely that the earth will be uninhabitable and even more probable that all of the crew's loved-ones will have died of old age.
This macabre thought is however no deterrent to the 12,000 eager participants of the journey. Of the crew that were interviewed, the primary attitude seems to be "YOLO", with some stating that "the pursuit of alcoholic perfection is man's greatest dream".
While the final destination shall be W3(OH) (affectionately called Dub Three by members), on the way the crawl will take enthusiastic participants via some of the alcoholic highlights of the galaxy. The first stop will be the moon, for some light refreshments of cheeses and crackers, and then, after a sub-light speed journey to the outer rims of the galaxy, exited pub-crawlers look forward to mixing Orange Juice with the billions upon billions of vinyl alcohol in Sagittarius B, and hopefully find the elusive "Restaurant at the end of the Universe" to sip on a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.
Although Dr Harvey-Smith states that the cloud located in W3(OH) "is not suitable for human consumption", Mr Arkell proudly retorts that "Obviously Ms. Harvey-Smith has never experimented with Metho!"
Source[edit | edit source]
- "Astronomers find alcohol cloud spanning 288 billion miles" www.phys.org, April 4, 2006