UnNews:Almost Naked Party in Moscow
Monday, January 1, 2024
In Moskva, Rossiskaâ Federaciâ, the Almost Naked Party took place a few days ago. At this costume party, guests were required to appear dressed in Adam's costume. The ticket price for entry was $11,000. Rapper Vacio appeared wearing only a sock that he wore on his leg-sized penis. Angela Merkel also walked through the picture naked at the party, but was no longer as juicy as she used to be on the GDR nudist beach during the FDJ era.
The party had legal repercussions because it was said to have spread non-traditional values. The party guests were therefore sentenced to high penalties. President Putin explained to the press: “They were probably all playing around with their dicks the whole time. First they fuck each other in the ass and then they stick the feces-covered dick in the next guy's mouth. That's disgusting.” The Western decadent gayization after the collapse of communism resulted in demographic changes that led to an aging and shrinking Russian population. Russia is trying to promote sex between men and women as much as possible in order to reforest the population.
Rapper Vacio received a youth sentence of 15 days for hooliganism and gay propaganda. In prison he will have to pick up the soap, which won't exactly introduce him to traditional family values. From this point of view, the Russian penal system is not yet up to date. But marrying him to a beautiful lady as punishment wouldn't exactly make sense, so at first glance there doesn't seem to be any obvious suggestion for improvement. Rapper Vacio also said he wasn't even gay and therefore felt he was being unfairly punished.
Putin's alleged goddaughter Anastasia Ivleeva was also present at the party. Since Putin, as godfather, is responsible for her Christian upbringing and ultimately her spiritual salvation, she was immediately summoned to the Kremlin. There Uncle Vova slapped her face left and right. “You walked around like a bitch! I want to know what you were thinking?” he shouted, which could be heard throughout the Kremlin. Then she got a few more slaps left and right that made her clatter like a crash cymbal. “I should have sent you to a British boarding school so that you would become virtuous and chaste.” Then he thought for a moment and picked up the phone to actually have her taken to a British boarding school where she would be educated in the Victorian style. She has to walk around all day in an ugly, old-fashioned dress like Alice in Wonderland and sleep with her hands over the covers. She is punished with a cane for every unchaste thought and has to learn to knit and cook as befits a good girl.
According to current knowledge, media expert Friedrich Müller cannot identify any gay activities at the party, but has not yet researched whether there were any at the party or not and finds the process confusing. Nudity in itself is not gay. It is possible that Russian society has recently developed a problem with nudity, so that nudity was used as the only evidence for sentencing under the anti-gay propaganda law. The fact that Putin sometimes rides naked through the forest and inevitably rubs his penis on the horse's back speaks against this. “That's something completely different!!!” the President justifies himself, “Naked riding is a sport in the fresh air and is healthy and makes you strong. I can bang ten thousand women at the same time because I'm so fit.” Putin goes on to say that the party guests are all wimps. They should go to the fitness center or the sports club and train hard, hard as morning wood.
Straight edge punker Heinz Müller-Wildschwein particularly criticizes the high level of alcohol and drug consumption at the party. This leads to uninhibited sexual behavior, i.e. uncontrolled, wild fucking, and therefore to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Doctor Dr. Klaus Müller contradicts this statement. Wild fucking leads to an increased immune defense against the pathogens of sexually transmitted diseases, just as the corona parties of the political elite led to an increased immune defense against the coronavirus, without any harmful vaccination. As an example of his new theory, Dr. Müller Interior Senator Dick Dickens, who let all the party guests spit in his mouth at his Corona party and didn't die of Corona.
The Moscow nude party comes at a very inopportune time, as in the Ukraine conflict many brave soldiers on both sides are going through the meat grinder for their respective fatherlands. The population perceives the orgiastic excesses as a mockery of the fighting soldiers, who are of course all straight and in the confined space of their tanks, never satisfy themselves, and especially not each other.