UnNews:Airtight gimbal boat found in ocean by pirates
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
South Pacific Ocean -- An airtight gimbal boat was found off the coast of New Zealand two days ago and boarded by pirates, once they figured out what it was.
"It looked like a big white bubble," one of the pirates told our reporter, who is now being held for ransom. "We couldn't figure out what it was. It was just this big bubble floating on the ocean. We thought it might be aliens."
As diligent Earth citizens, the pirates knew it was their solemn duty to investigate any such possible alien activity, so they did what any pirates would: they shot at it with guns. When this had no effect, they then used battering rams, but it just bounced away from the rams.
"Nothing we tried even dented it. This is how we knew it was aliens. We'd only just suspected before," the pirate spokesperson said, though much of his grammar has been fixed after the fact. "We had to get in," he explained.
So then they looked for doors, which proved difficult because the surface always spun away when they tried to hold onto it. Once they finally surrounded the 20-metre-wide sphere with boats and were able to hold it in place, they found some handles, opened a door, and promptly fell into what might have been a modern Japanese apartment.
Not wanting to make fools of themselves, the guys who had fallen in promptly called for everyone else to come in with guns as well and board the... er, apartment just like they would any other ship.
"There were these kids," another pirate told our reporter, at least in some form or other. "These alien kids. They looked just like humans, but they were aliens. In the bubble ship. Aliens."
The pirate kid who forwarded the initial story and the ransom demand refused to comment on this statement.