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UnGames:Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle/fugu

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You take spaghetti off the shelf in the aisle, when suddenly, loud bells and whistles start ringing. You immediately take out your cell phone to see who it is, but it is only Cousin Larry calling for the third time today. So you let it go to voice mail. You reach for a container of Ragu (which Cousin Larry is allergic to) when more bells and whistle start to ring.

But it's not your phone.

Suddenly, and nonsensically, Chuck Norris pops out of the Ragu, saying, "Hi, Larry! You just won a trip to Japan for no reason! Sayonara!" He then hits you on the head with a cell phone and knocks you out.

You wake up on the plane to Japan, and, coincedentally, you arrive right then. (You can tell because you can't understand an effing thing anyone says, and everyone looks asian.) So you leave the airport and look at it. It is shaped like a Pokemon, but you cannot tell which one it is (maybe MissingNo?).

"Banna jubi-ya-ya-ya-ya!" a native shouts in your ear.

"Eh... what?" you reply.

"Sanstreena sek-bu! Yannie jock!"

You stare at him and say, "Sorry, I don't speak Gibberish."

"What? Gibberish?" the man says, with a slight Canadian accent in his voice. "I was trying to speak in English, don'tcha know?"

"Ye-ah..."

"I was! Now shut up or die."

"Sheesh! Fine, you idiotic Canadian Japanese Antarctican!" I shout.

"I said shut up!" he yells. "Now DDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"


-----*** You are killed by his screaming, only to be
-----reincarnated two seconds later ***


Now that you have recieved your first taste of Canadian Japanese Antarctican hospitality, you decide to taste their food. You go to a restaurant in Tokyo and order.

You use your "How to Speak Japanese Without Sounding like You're a Stupid American" book to speak, but you end up accidentally calling the hot sexy waitress/pornstar/prostitute fat and calling the chef's mom a whore. Angered, the chef prepares you a dish of poisonous fugu without removing the poisonous part.

The waitress does a striptease for you before you eat, which includes an exotic dance. (You would have lost your virginity as well if you hadn't called her fat.) You stick your fork into the fish. You cut a bite. You slowly bring it up to your mouth and then start to chew it, when suddenly, a Pokemon battle starts in the street.

You, the whore/waitress, the chef, and the garcon (who doesn't exist) rush out to watch. Unfortunately for you, the waitress and chef toss you into the crossfire.

You feel so powerful after picking up that mysterious phone booth and the bottom of the aisle with it. The woman loves you now, your wallet is suddenly filled with cash, and your acne has cleared up forever!

That's right:

*** You have won ***








































Oh no! It turns out that was just some aliens playing a trick on you from their flying saucer!

Whilst your rosy sense of achievement has distracted you, they have taken the opportunity to quickly suck out your gastric juices with a telescopic bendy straw! In other words, you just lost The Game.

Late Thursday night. You've had a hard day and the last thing you need is this: shopping. Luckily, the place is pretty empty and you're progressing rapidly.

On to the next aisle.

The aisle stretches to the north, and back to the south. The shelves on either side of you block your view of the rest of the supermarket, with only the brightly colored aisle markers visible.

You have stopped your trolley next to the pasta section, bright plastic bags full of pale skin-tone shapes.

There is a brunette woman a few meters ahead, filling her trolley with sauces.

A shiny metal phone booth sits in the center of the aisle.


Your move:

*Secret option!
Super-secret option!
Double super-secret option!

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