Twit book (t b) was the first social network, created by the Earl of Hamster, Sir Rowan Bean, in 1712. This network was for the social elite only, to prevent its use by smelly businessmen or the even smellier lower class. All entries had to be in code, and after encoding they then had to take the form of a haiku poem. Data was regularly backed up onto the network's extensive server farm based in Surrey, England.
Twit book tech history
The carrier pigeon was Twit Book's first and most heavily used message system. Sir Bean started by setting up coops on every busy street corner in southern England. Within 20 years, Twit book had spread to cover most of Europe (though the northernmost Europe had spotty coverage due to cold weather and hunting). When one received a TB message, he was said to have 'a peck' (this is believed to be the origin of the term Pecking Order), and when a pigeon relieved itself on a sender or receiver, he was said to have 'a splat'. Getting plenty of pecks was a sign of high social status, and getting plenty of splats was considered a bonus, as you got to wear and show off more of your wardrobe every day.
Following British explorers into Africa, Sir Bean discovered pigeons had a very poor survival rate. After extensive research (and almost being eaten, almost having his head shrunk and being feed things even he found disgusting), he discovered jungle drums. He quickly set up pigeon to drum transfer stations in Casablanca, Morocco, Tunis, Tunisia, and Alexandria, Egypt, allowing the great explorers to contact friends and family to report things such as that they had not been eaten by cannibals or that their heads still remained the same size, etc. Receiving a drum message was referred to as 'getting a beat' (getting a bad message was referred to as a 'bad beat', which later became a poker term), and someone getting many messages was said to have 'been beaten'.
Twit book users through the ages
- Sir Thomas Beecham (2nd Baronet and 1st Oboe): His regular status updates reflected his love of music and dressing up like a Japanese schoolgirl.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Scottish physician, writer and monumental moustache owner): Banned from Twit Book for three years for uploading pornography "not of a sufficient standard required of an English gentleman".