The Dhesktop Initiative
The Dhesktop Initiative is a complex research project from the TV show/TV show themed pinball machine Lost. It deals with a complex and failed plan from 1982 to grow low-light desk plants to lift the spirits of those sad-sack cubicle drones you sometimes run into at Radio Suck looking for typewriter cartridges.
Jerry forgot to close the blinds in one of the research labs, and the low light plants went totally nuts when the sun came up, covering the island with lush tropic foliage. Prior to that, it had been a volcano.
Stations[edit | edit source]
The island is covered with Dhesktop Initiative stations. There's always a Dhesktop Station near you! Working to serve you better, every day in every way. The Dhesktop Initiative: always weird. Always.
Station One: The Lampost: the Lampost station is located to in the wild western part of the Island, directly east of the wondrous village of Spare Oom.
Station Two: The Barrow: The Barrow is the most haunted of all the stations, known for trapping small people inside of its hill, leaving them to be rescued by inebriated hippies.
Station Three: The Prawn: The shrimp-shaped Prawn station is full of magnets. If fact, the station is so magnetic, that any and all metal is attracted to it, whether it contains iron or not. Since all metals are attracted to the station, it is a real pain in the butt to be around when you have a metal plate in your skull, as it causes you to be incessently drawn towards it with you head bent over, leading some people to believe you have a severe bowel problem. People with metal plates in their skulls should also be warned of the fact that your head WILL STICK TO A WALL AND NOT COME OFF if you get to close to the edge of the station. What the Prawn Station's magnetism has to do with the research of plant growth in low light is unknown, although some speculate that the Dhesktop Initiative was looking into the practicality of magnetic houseplants that always look healthy in you put a magnet in the ceiling directly above them. However,this idea was largly abandoned after the revelation that some of the members of the Initiative were part of the WCPCO, the Worldwide Competitive Paperclip Chain Organization whose goal was to make the worlds longest magneticly-powered paperclip chain. The Prawn is also the location of the legendary jukebox, which is explained later in this article.
Shrubbery Station[edit | edit source]
The station initially designed for shrubs was found early in Lost season one, where it was used as a local night hotspot. When the disco ball and ultraviolet lights were installed, a hidden map showed up on the wall. Ололо упяча-упяча Руссиан Рулит!!! А вы все америкосы сраные!!! Сосни Хуйцо!!
The Orientation LaserDisc[edit | edit source]
Shrubbery Station came with an orientation laserdisc. It is narrated by Dr. Melvin Taper, and outlines the purpose of the Dhesktop Initiative:
Is this thing on? Hello? Is this thing on? Alright? Alright.
Hello, and welcome to Shrub Station for the Dhesktop Initiative. You and a buddy will be working in Station Four: The Shrub. You will be down there, studying how desktop office plants deal in extremely low light. Meanwhile, we will be up here, studying you studying how desktop office plants deal in extremely low light. Can you believe federal tax dollars are paying for this?
Station Four is equipped with everything you'll need to survive until we come and get you, which should be around 1985 or so. If we feel like it. If you die, it's not like anyone will know. umm, crap. We can cut that part out, right? Yeah, okay.
Anyway, in order to ensure that you actually get some work done instead of just screwing around on an island in the middle of nowhere, we've given you and your partner enough food to last one hundred days. After that, you'll be forced to survive on whatever you can grow in the labs.
On the other hand, if you kill your partner you'll have enough to last one hundred days. Dammit. Cut that out too, okay?
You should not leave the station. To this effect, we've installed a computer counter hooked up to the Public Adress system. It's hooked to a clapper, so make sure you clap once every hour and a half. If you don't, the computer, which is hooked to a jukebox full of disco tunes buried deep underground, will go into "shuffle." You have been warned.
On behalf of the Dhesktop Initiative, sponsored by American Motors, I'd like to say that I am SO glad it's not me down there. Ciao!
The Jukebox[edit | edit source]
Although Jack initially claimed that "nobody would do something that evil," the rumors of the jukebox were real. When the computer counted down to zero, and nobody clapped, they were treated to a ten-second shockwave blast of "Disco Duck," which was stopped only when Locke remembered to clap, causing to jukebox to deactivate and the computer to reset. In that ten seconds, however, Sawyer was struck temporarily deaf and Charlie, the cultured muscian in the group, had gone insane.