Soul music

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Soul music is a mystical, supernatural genre of soft music that awakens the soul of many. It is widely considered to be one of the most mysterious musical genres of all time, being pioneered by African-Americans who wanted to transcend life and look into their religious past.

There are three components of soul music: the instumentation, the spirit, and the energy. All three of these elements are essential to summoning the spirit of soul.

Components[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Soul music.

Unlike most popular music genres, or even music in general, soul music is supernatural. It brings one Closer to God. However, in order for this to work, all three of the components must be present.

Instrumentation[edit]


Drums, a funky bassline, electric pianos, organs, and synthesizers, horns, and an air guitar. The air guitar, however, only works if all the other components of soul are satisfied.

The Spirit[edit]


As a supernatural music genre, soul music can help to bring God into one's life. When soul music is played well, it can become a tantalizing experience to listen to. When it is done badly, alas, it causes some truly intolerable musicians ever.

Energy[edit]


Although soul is light, that doesn't mean it can't be energetic. In order to truly feel God's presence and to make your air guitar work, you need to be happy for this to happen. A common misconception about soul is that it is sexy music. That would actually be funk, a sort of secular offshoot of soul. Soul can be relaxing or danceable. It cannot, however, be sexy or hard. Sexy music is too promiscuous, and we have hard rock for the extremer energies of music.

History[edit]

Not much is known about the history of soul. It is so mystical that no one knows who invented it. Historians do know, however, that Marvin Gaye made a great deal of romantic and sexual appeal in soul music in the 1960s. In addition, Motown was a great patron of soul singers.

After this wave of popularity, soul as a rock music genre took off when dorky rock bands like Steely Dan, The Doobie Brothers, Wallace and Gromit, and Hall & Oates stole the music from black people and made it into a genre that sounded like rejected Sonic the Hedgehog tracks for a Sega Genesis.

Michael Jackson would later adopt this music genre and make it even more synthesizer-driven than the '70s wave.

Other facts[edit]

  • Gingers are widely percieved to not have souls. This would be true if not for the fact that 10 out of 10 redheads will become soul singers.
  • If you do not listen to soul once in your life, you have none.
  • Funk and soul are not to be confused!