Old Man's War
An image or images should be included on this page to improve the quality.
Old MAN'S War: A Tale of the 23rd and Beyond Centuries, is an epic science fiction war psychological horror novel written by time traveler and eventual time dictator John Scalzi. In the book, the universe attempts to destroy reality by using Aliens and Humans to kill each other via really cool space battles. It garnered massive success and is now considered a major classic in the Idiot Books People Must Read and is often considered to be one of the greatest novels ever written.
It was written as a fanfic of Robert Heinlein's work, but for once, it wasn't completely crappily written.
What makes it so great? Well, let's find out!
Background[edit | edit source]
John Scalzi was born in 12969, in the last years of the Golno Empire. He spent years experimenting, writing short manuscripts on his typewriter. Before Old Man's War, he had only published one other novel, Aeda: An Account of the Divine Ring, which was up until the publication of his second novel, a somewhat obscure epic poem that imagines an alternate past where the Ring was destroyed and gave birth to the cosmos. But the important part is that the following epic novel he wrote, based on the glorious god emperor Robert Heinlein, wasn't completely shittily written, unlike all the other Heinlein-inspired works of other writers. Unfortunately, this, and Aeda, would remain his only good work as all his other works would rapidly destroy his reputation until The Collapsing Empire, written in 13017 which was a case study in how the Golno Empire could end up like lest they stop breaking holes in the space-time fabric and risk destruction of all universes and everything, or in the title of the last novel of the series, become The End of all Things.
Plot[edit | edit source]
The novel begins with a helicopter... oh wait this is the wrong book. *Ahem* The novel begins with John Perry, (not at all a self-insert fanfic character) visiting his wife's grave and eventually signing for CDF (Critical Drinker Forces) after realizing he can de-age and bang hot chicks. The CDF recruits old people because they have Amy Rose at the forefront, while Sauron and Morgoth both use their forces to wage war against the Universe. John Perry gets in on the action once again, so he bangs more chicks and begins to operate spaceships that probably violate some laws of physics.
The Old Farts, consisting of a few people (and by a few, take 100 and multiply it by a thousand) discuss Skip Driving. It turns out that using a Skip Drive will turn you into another dimension, and that the war against Mordor is actually on a multidimensional front, with action taking place across at various points of Time and Space. John Perry and his fellow mates experience firsthand visions of Mordor and realize that Mordor is located in a dimension, a metaphysical state beyond the concepts of space and time. So to defeat them, John Perry will need to find a way to leave his body. John Perry briefly protests, citing the tale of what happened when the Fordins attempted to break space-time, and disappear completely off the fabric of the universe, but threatened with execution, he proceeds.
A typical Martian Pod where two Martian Soldiers begin mapping out Victorian England.
So he does that 'transcendence' thing and can enter Mordor, where the Shadows lie. John destroys the Ring, but in the most obvious twist ever, it turns out that Amy Rose is Sauron and Morgoth controlling a portion of Amy's mind. And so they command the Martians to invade Earth by poking holes in the space-time fabric to invade Victorian England when humanity was still relatively stupid by use of Time Portals.
John manages to destroy the portal but the cost is irreversible; he's no longer able to bang the hot chick known as Samantha, but instead turns to a girl that has a liking to him, and bangs the hot chick known as Jessica. Together, they live happily ever after. Well, until Sauron takes Morgoth's place and begins attempting to eradicate Earth from existence, but that's the next book so it's a happy ending....for now, at least.
Reception[edit | edit source]
The book was immensely popular on release, and, according to FakePublishers.com "This book does not explore 21st century ideology, therefore bad." This caused a war on the internet, dividing fans of Scalzi's work and idiots who pretend that their bitching and moaning mean anything. According to John Scalzi Gerbo III, "I do not believe the entry to be true; furthermore, it would be preposterous indeed to consider it genre; consider a blend of many genres. The work is composed of multiple genres. Now to end off on a monologue... 'till neither men nor Martians saw it, for it consumed them like a light, a light that consumes the suns, but a light all the same. John indeed was very confusing, pry because I like to write in like indeed very confusing ways.' "
Following divided reception, the work has been selected by the Idiot Writers of Gonlo as one of the best sci-fi novels ever made; "This book explores timeless themes such as family, idiocy, war, and irrelevancy in a time where those themes are more relevant than ever. Truly... This is one of the best sci-fi novels ever made."
Since then, it has developed a cult following, and a sub-genre known as Old Man's Ripoffs has formed, where most work attempts to rip off both Scalzi's and Heinlein's work while containing no original ideas or unique perspectives of their own. A movie trilogy has been adapted based on the series, somehow attempting to condense 7 books into a trilogy while sacrificing much of the well-written original story in favor of a shit new one. many have been influenced by it, producing the previously mentioned sub-genre of Old Man's Ripoffs without an ounce of creativity.
It has also influenced the conventions; like for example, the strategies used by John Perry would go on to be used in the Gonlo Civil War of 22991, and John Scalzi, for his work and warnings detailed, earned the ability to be immortal forever. And he was granted Totally Not a Dictator Dictator John Scalzi III as a further reward