Key

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for your keys?
A typical key

A key is a small, metal, yellow object used for opening doors. Most keys have the same shape - a loop, a long shaft sticking out from the loop, and two small prongs at the end of the shaft. To operate, you will need one or more keys in your possession, and a locked door. (You can identify locked doors by the keyhole shape engraved in them.) Touch the door. It, and one of your keys, will vanish. You may now proceed through the doorway. Often, the key must be a specific color corresponding to the color of the door.

Special Cases[edit | edit source]

Some keys are special and have magic properties. You can identify them by the animal head where the loop normally would be. If you have one of these magic keys in your possession and you touch a locked door, the door will vanish, but none of your keys will.

Other keys might have no apparent function at all, for example SysRq. Legend has it, the key was designed by Alexander Graham Bell for dread pirate Paula Abdul, who wanted to unlock the Caps lock. Upon failing to use the key successfully, Abdul shrieked in horror when she read the inscription: Nos Feratu (English: "Key error. Press F1 to continue.")

Furthermore, it should be warned, that using a key with a partner, the slightest offset will produce discordance.

Finding Keys[edit | edit source]

Keys are not always easy to find. Sometimes you can force a key to materialize by killing all the monsters in a room. Also, some stores are willing to trade gems for keys. Which to say, trading gems for one freaking key dates back to the beginnings of the Bible, where people would trade their faith for shit to eat.

Hints[edit | edit source]

You may run out of keys if you find a key in one cave, but use it to unlock a door in another cave. It's usually best to use keys near where you find them.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Controversially, keys may also be used to lock doors.
  • Keys were accidentally invented by Professor Ewart "The Haystack" Hughes in 1608 when he locked himself out of his house one Saturday evening.
  • The most efficient type of key is called a lock pick.

See also[edit | edit source]