IXL

“I love IXL! It's a torture tool to use at mein camps! Forget the gas chambers!”

~ Adolf Hitler

IXL (also known as IXHELL) is a secret super weapon disguised as an educational tool conceived by Satan himself. IXL preys on the impressionable and mature alike, and feed on the dying braincells of those who dare try to comprehend their material. Unfortunately, entire school districts have fallen to the unholy creation and are slowly becoming yet another piece in Satan's evil plan to take over our dear planet Earth.

The Plan

Satan's plan came to motion when he wanted to know how to infiltrate society in the easiest way. A weapon disguised as a educational tool came to his mind and IXL was deployed, and now children, teachers and parents alike are falling to darkness, and eventually every person on the planet.

So far, the planned effects of IXL have not occured, but given time, the world will eventually be overthrown by it. The world will run red with smoke, lava,and dying students, and the Earth will take its final breaths, nothing will ever be the same and nothing will ever be more, and the world will be thrown into a repetitive, torturous age that will never end. The Earth will have been taken over by Satan and the infamous Paul Mishkin (creator of IXL), and there will be no way to recover the past Earth. In order to stop this fate, IXL must be destroyed, or humans will face these chains forevermore.

Relation to School

School districts use IXL daily and as a result the younger generations of humanity are being by the program. It is hard to resist since they will either contact parents or hurt your grades and you have no say in what happens. Satan and Paul Mishkin are luring more kids and teachers with fake reviews and a seemingly friendly website. This feeds into Satan's plan as he will be able to overthrow governments when the kids grow up. Before his plan is finally finished, the grown-up kids will make Satan himself leader of Earth, and everything in the above section will happen.

Prevention

Preventing said possibilities for end-of-the-world scenarios requires 6 'simple' steps. That anyone can do

1. Destroy servers containing IXL software and other data.

2. Prevent the "IXL" trademark and related from ever being used again, whether for future food companies or other educational materials.

3. Destroy all mentions of IXL in documents and schools.

4. Destroy IXL offices with Minecraft addicts, and get the government to cover it up.

5. Make sure Satan's messengers Paul Miskin and Jennifer Gu are DEAD! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP!!!!

6. Always mention Prodigy and video games since those are a replacements.

These steps aim to prevent the effects of Satan's control by diminishing all mentions of IXL in all locations. If these steps are to be taken, IXL will be unable to allow Satan to control Earth.

Be prepared to take out teachers who Satan recruited to work for him. Try to use bribery and say Jesus many times, as Satanists are scared of him. This is your only needed defense weapon.

Saving Victims of IXL

Victims associated with IXL are mind controlled by IXL. In order to revive the victim's true state of mind, take them to a place with people, images, and writing aggressively against IXL. That is how some victims are saved. If that doesn’t work, they are a part of Satan and must be killed. Use gas bombs, flamethrowers and heavy firepower if need be. Share this article to save lives and to help children stop suffering. Innocent children who just want to succeed in life are being put down. This is your time to be a hero and help others like God said to do.

How Critiques are handled

If you let them know how idiotic and rigged their system is, what is does to us kids, and why it should stop, they fuck your middle school life by sending an email to your principal on how "inappropriate", and "threatening" your feedback was. Believe WBS, because he tried it, and that happened. If you feel like IXL is slowly killing you please dial: 1-800-273-8255.