M E T A L
The Author L. D.
Gothic metal is gothic rock with the ability of producing albums which can be heard in complete. Gothic metal was invented by Paradise Lost, an English band which is known for their legendary album Gothic, and for releasing the first coherent Cure album in history, Believe in Nothing. Gothic metal is known for its Beauty and the Beast style, in which clean female (or sometimes homosexual male) vocals are combined with dirty male vocals.
The Goddamn birth of Gothmetal, and shit
Goth fucking metal is the after-motherfucking-birth of doom ass-licking metal and death pussyraping metal. Those are the slowest and the fastest motherfucking genres in metal, and in music in general. When those two are combined together, what you get is music which is both slow and fast. How is it even fucking possible? Music is defined by its motherfucking tempo. It's like going to McDonald's and waiting for 2 motherfucking hours like someone is slow-motherfucking-cooking for you pork chops in red wine. So the sole purpose of Goth metal is to annoy the shit out of you, until you just want to nuke the entire Gotham city to motherfucking dust. It just sucks every motherfucking shred of Goth out of your body, and makes you an un-fucking-goth motherfucker. That's what it does.
As mentioned above, gothic metal is basically the HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, with the Larry/Leon dynamics. You could also say that gothic metal is Uncyclopedia: a wiki website (fast) which slowly recovers you from Wikipedia.
Future of motherfucking GM
Wait, are you telling me that I am currently creating goth mutherfucking metal as I write this article? This idea is a mind blowing cocksucker! So you're telling me that Uncyclopedia will do to Wikipedia what Goth metal did to goth rock? It's gonna FUCKING KILL IT? Shit! We better make this article the best motherfucker ever written.
Gothic metal uses a Beauty and the Beast approach, meaning that it is the most romantic metal genre.
Goth metal is known for NOT being goth motherfucking rock, exactly like Marilyn Fucking Manson.