Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
| Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Directed by | Jun Fukuda |
| Produced by | Tomoyuki Tanaka |
| Starring |
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Release date | 03.21.1974 |
| Language | Japanese |
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla is a 1974 Japanese kaiju film that features a musical number sung in Japanese but sounds like a very hysterical google translated version in English. But aside from that, this movie would have taken an unbelievable amount of money and talent to produce, so they cut the budget by half by not requiring believable stage sets and hired actors who were chosen out of a line-up. Not a line-up of performing art students or unknowns but an actual police line-up. Then they hired a cocktail lounge singer, and asked her to play a role. She agreed as long as she could sing in the film. Her wish was granted, but they already had a song for her picked out. The singer was disappointed, but still accepted the role. The world would have to wait for her big international hit. A song based loosely on what she sang for her role about a robot who comes from another planet to destroy the land and the beach cookie monster who emerges to save the day, and shed a lot of fur, and flop down for another 100 years of sleep.
It is said that a mysterious race that were known as the Azumi had been the inspiration for this film's storyline. They were a warrior clan who did a lot of sailing, swimming, surfing, scuba diving, jet skiing, and many other ocean-related activities. They also kept all these mutant sized creatures in various places around the coastlines of Okinawa. As Godzilla himself is from the sea, there's no doubt that the Azumi tried to claim that as their own long ago. But after so many times of Godzilla stomping the shit out of Tokyo, and being labelled a troublemaker, the Azumi didn't seem to mention the monster too much after a while. In fact they tried to disown Godzilla with press releases alleging that Godzilla was a creation that the Chinese came up with. Then they tried to pass him off as John Wayne, Johnny Cash, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno and Fat Albert. But when it could be proven that Godzilla was a sea monster from Japan and not any of the above mentioned in rubber costumes, the Azumi went silent and faded into history.
Thanks to the popularity of Godzilla fodder for making movies, it would only be a matter of time before the Azumi would be brought right back into the spotlight. They didn't like that. However they were supposed to be silent and shut the hell up so production went on as planned. It's also said that whenever any Godzilla film featuring a fight with another mutant monster that Penn and Teller are the actors in the rubber suits. The Japanese government denies this.
Plot[edit | edit source]
As with any Japanese plot, involving monsters, involving dramatic characters, and involving the typical good guy vs bad guy the story opens with a scene that the audience must immediately recognize as a very large place. The place seen here is that of a frosty mountain, made from sprinkles of fake snow, clay, rubber and glue. This sets the mood. Coming into frame is a large porcupine anteater. A spiky turtle porcupine anteater ostrich freak-of-nature thing. It roars, or screams, or yawns at the side of a mountain and the side of that mountain for some reason explodes. After the boring credits featuring scenery of a peaceful afternoon of various scenic views in Japan, a priestess entertainer named Nami (Beru-Bera Lin) is singing in a traditional costume and holding a large lotus flower. This will be the same woman who sings a monster to waken and go berserk. While she's singing some vowel sounds, she has a vision of death and destruction and faints. The tourists who were there at her show were stunned. When she revives, she tells her grandfather that a monster will basically start some shit.
Then what happened next is two of the guys who were there at the afternoon show took off in a jeep and talked about the prophecy for a few minutes. It wasn't really too concerning. Not now at least. Keisuke Shimizu (Masaaki Daimon) dropped off his passenger Masahiko (Kazuya Aoyama) at some tourist cave attraction while he drove off to some other cave his team were digging into. They had found something interesting and were being all dramatic about it. Then an investigator from the archaeology department of the Shuri University named Saeko Kanagusuku (Reiko Tajima) and while remaining calm, giggles at the cuteness of Keisuke trying to keep her from tripping and falling on all the debris they piled up outside the cave. Next thing you know it's just the two of them discussing the paintings on the cave wall and there's this little statue of what's supposed to be King Caesar. The monster that Nami is supposed to sing to later on when a monster shows up and starts some shit. While talking about the statue, the camera cuts away and zooms in on another similar statue back at Nami's place. But this statue was cross-eyed. Back to the two hilarious characters in the cave, they continue to decode the paintings, the prophecy, and nobody questions why the statue looks like it came from Pier 1 Imports.
Saeko is working alone in her office when a creepy man peeks in her door. He hears a noise in the hallway and ducks out of sight. The noise was the footsteps of Nanbara (Shin Kishida) an Interpol agent who just happened to be Japanese. Then he peeks in her door. She still doesn't notice a thing. Next thing anyone knows, Saeko and Keisuke are on a flight to Tokyo. Oh and look at that, so is door peeker Interpol agent Nanbara. While they are all chit-chatting about the statue and the prophecy, because they're still on that kick, all the plane's passengers notice a large black cloud hanging menacingly in the sky. Then OF COURSE Saeko starts repeating the damned cave wall painting prophecy again. And Keisuke has a flashback of Nami warning her grandfather about a monster and to top that off, his flashback is in split-screen twenty times over! Was this really necessary? Keisuke blinks and visibly has a crushing headache.
After arriving in Tokyo, Saeko and Keisuke are sharing a taxi to Professor Wagura (Hiroshi Koizumi) and Saeko learns that the professor is Keisuke's uncle after she tried to get rid of him. Since that wasn't happening, she just told him that he was mean and he laughed and let her know that he was making fun of her. Critics agree that she deserved it. Keisuke asked where Masahiko was. By the way the name is pronounced in this film something like Muh Psycho. Masahiko is the same guy Keisuke dropped off at the tourist cave attraction in Okinawa. Wagura mentioned a strange piece of metal Muh Psycho Masahiko had found in the cave. Naturally this was immediately brought to another professor, Hideto Miyajima (Akihiko Hirata), so it could be looked at. And whaddya know, it's space titanium. Which is titanium from outer space. Even the professor agreed that it was most likely from outer space. Then an earthquake shook the place up and after it stopped, they looked out of the window and noticed they were living next to a mountain that strangely resembled a volcano. Professor Miyajima's daughter Ikuko Miyajima (Hiromi Matsushita) oddly enough had reminded the professor that there was a quake everyday for the last ten days. To which her father, being a professor, nodded in agreement. After the view of the volcanic mountain, there's a cut-scene to the outside of Professor Wagura's place and a shadow of a man approaching. Keisuke is laying on his bed listening to a radio. The news tells of earthquakes continuing to move and that there are some who say there's a huge living being moving underground.
Naturally this bores Keisuke to no end and he shuts off the radio. He gets up and while changing clothes he hears noises outside. In another room his uncle and Saeko are looking at slides of the cave wall paintings when a man with a gun comes in through the window and demands the statue. It's none other than the infamous Japanese alien agent gangster Yanagawa (Daigo Kusano). Keisuke comes into the room and fights with Yanagawa. While the alien gangster is distracted, Professor Wagura hands the statue to Saeko and tells her to flee. Saeko grabs the artifact and runs out the door. Keisuke is still fighting with the intruder when his uncle grabs the gun and doesn't do anything with it. Yanagawa runs off and Keisuke gives chase. He looks around and can't see where he went. Wagura and Saeko come outside to look around and are unable to spot the gangster alien anywhere. Interpol agent Nanbara walks up the street a bit ways and stands behind a lamp post and smokes a cigarette as he watches from a distance without being seen himself.
Back at Professor Miyajima's place, mountains explode and blow up and are on fire while a large rocks flies through the air and crashes to the ground. Amid all the destruction, Godzilla stands up and screeches. Professor Miyajima, Ikuko, and Masahiko run outside to see what all the fuss is about and make the observation that it's Godzilla. As Godzilla is prancing around, on a small TV screen at Professor Wagura's place, he and Saeko watch Godzilla with mild expressions of concern on their faces, discussing the ancient prophecy attributed to the cave paintings and by proxy, the weird statue. Keisuke rushes into the room and tells his uncle he must be going. He's going to Mount Fiji. Stating he's worried about Masahiko and the professor Miyajima.
Off in another part of Japan, the old grandfather Tengan Kunigami (Masao Imafuku) is running to tell Nami that her prophecy is coming true and that Godzilla has appeared on the mainland. He's in hysterics as he hysterically points out that the only thing that can defeat Godzilla is their own King Caesar. Then he rambles on about nobody finding the key to unlock the divine monster. Then he falls to his knees and calls out for Godzilla to destroy the people of Japan who once tried to conquer the Azumi tribe. That Godzilla would be the instrument of their revenge. Nami looked on and realized he didn't take his medication earlier.
Next shot is of Godzilla wrecking the place. Then a spiky turtle porcupine anteater ostrich freak of nature rises up out of the ground to confront this Godzilla. Things aren't going very well for the porcupine anteater. Keisuke is driving at insane speeds of 55 MPH when he quips that something is wrong, that Anguirus the porcupine anteater should not have attacked his friend Godzilla. But during this battle between the monsters, it's revealed that Godzilla really isn't Godzilla. It's just a rubber suit worn by a sadistic alien machine disguised like Godzilla, created by an alien race who made him out of space titanium. This would be Mechagodzilla. And Mechagodzilla ruins Anguirus. As Mechagodzilla stomps off triumphantly, Keisuke arrives in time to survey the devastation left behind. He spots a larger, brick-sized piece of space titanium. Bringing it to Professor Miyajima, who happens to be alive and well considering a Godzilla-esque battle just took place near his residence, he confirms that it is the same space titanium that Masahiko found in Okinawa. And this is where the movie gets weird.
The professor wants to go to the cave to get a closer look at Godzilla, asking Masahiko to take him there one of these days. So Godzilla hangs out at this particular cave and it just happens to be sprinkled with titanium. Then Keisuke knocks over the professor's pipe and they notice it's a weird pipe. The professor made the pipe with astrinocrom so that when the bowl of the pipe is separated from the filter it creates magnetic waves that destroy the positive and negative electrodes. Basically a pipe that means business and turns regular tobacco leaf into something that gets you so high that you can live next to Godzilla and not be bothered by it in the slightest.
After Professor Miyajima demonstrated how his pipe could blow shit up he had lying around the house, the scene cuts to Mechagodzilla blowing shit up with his laser shooting face and evil looks. The beast is blowing the hell out of an oil refinery and other industrial structures reducing them to flame and rubble. Stupidly, Miyajima, Ikuko, Keisuke, and Masahiko all drive up to the scene of this miniature Armageddon and look on with a slight expression of terror. A little dramatic but they don't overdo it. After all they parked far enough away that they can still view the explosions without being subjected to flying debris. While Mechagodzilla is smashing everything, the real Godzilla rises up out of a building from underneath it. He is pissed off and starts menacing Mechagodzilla. Keisuke states that there are two Godzillas and then asks what it means. The others sitting calmly in the car are too busy looking at this spectacle with a little more effort at being shocked.
As this Godzilla battle is occurring, they're on a little TV monitor in some alien headquarters. The alien commander, Commander Kuronuma (Goro Mutsumi) with a very large patch of eye make-up over one of his eyes smirks and smokes a cigar. Saying something about not expecting the real Godzilla to show up so soon. Then assumed that the earth people must be astonished and laughs like a typical twit. Having no clue that the earth people only find this a hair better than watching paint dry. The two monsters are smashing things and the silly people in the car, exit the car and get next to something that would surely be more dangerous than simply driving away from the area. Those explosions are pretty damned close to where they're all standing, but they seem to be okay with it. Godzilla whops Mechagodzilla's right arm and it leaves a large piece of the rubber suit torn, revealing the metal underneath. Professor Miyajima finally gets it and correctly calls it out as what came out of Mount Fiji was indeed a cyborg. And then goes one step further to explain that it's made out of all that space titanium that's been such a topic of conversation lately. Then they realized that the porcupine anteater Anguirus had come out to call on Godzilla. Poor porcupine anteater spiky turtle thing.
The two Godzillas fight and the real Godzilla looked at the fake Godzilla like a bad impersonation of himself. Then scorched him with fire revealing more of the metal underneath. Commander Kuronuma seems miffed at Godzilla and assures himself that Godzilla is no match for Mechagodzilla. He throws a few switches and Mechagodzilla burns away the rest of the disguise. Mechagodzilla's true form is that of Mr. Roboto with a snout and pointy teeth. He aims his finger missiles at Godzilla and fires them off. Godzilla falls down. As he gets back up, both monsters fire lasers out of their eyes and mouth at each other and the charge of beams smash up against each other. Of course this causes such an energy burst and it explodes with such a force that the Professor and the others are knocked to the ground by the shockwave. Godzilla falls into the bay (there's always some body of water nearby) and the four people rush in closer to watch Godzilla sink. They look unhappy, not really horrified or shaken, just unhappy, that Godzilla appeared to be mortally wounded. Mechagodzilla is also knocked down and struggles to move. In Kuronuma's control room, one of his minions tell him that Mechagodzilla's head control is out of order. That's not the only head that's out of order. And Kuronuma postpones his attack on Tokyo.
As the alien overlord and his minions throw some more switches, that summons Mechagodzilla back to the base for repairs. Mechagodzilla's head being out of order somehow executes such a hasty getaway that he actually blasts off like a rocket and proceeds to fly like an airplane. Mechagodzilla looks like a metal dragon airplane, sort of like a retro waffle-maker, a toaster, or a toaster oven.
Professor Miyajima then decides that they are all flying to Okinawa in the morning. The plan involves just showing up where the spacemen are remotely controlling Mechagodzilla. Meanwhile the aliens are looking over their expensive space titanium toaster and informs Kuronuma that repairs will take a long time. Kuronuma, holding a cocktail drink, informs them that he'll use a smart earth man to speed up the process. This is bound to go well, yeah.
Back at Professor Wagura's place, he, Keisuke and Saeko are looking over sketches of Mr. Robotos with a lot of tattoos. Wagura tells them that the tattoos are a type of hieroglyphic writing found on the cave walls. Pretty neat, huh? The writings are from the ancient Azumi royal family. He picks up the statue and tells them that the texts will show where King Caesar is sleeping. The cave wall paintings they translated came out as When the red moon sets and the sun rises in the west, two monsters will arise to save the people. Keisuke thinks it's stupid.
Bad eye make-up guy Kuronuma is somehow spying on Wagura's place and orders Agent #1 to steal the statue. Kuronuma seems to fear other monsters being brought to life. Instead of flying, Keisuke and Saeko go by ship and talk about how they're outsmarting the aliens. However Professor Miyajima, Masahiko and Ikuko are already at the cave and looking around. Apparently they didn't get the memo to go by ship to fool the aliens, because no sooner than getting there and wandering through the cave, they get captured by the aliens. They're brought to Kuronuma who informs them that he's from the third planet of the black hole, outer space. Gotta love how that would look on a package being sent through the postal service. Kuronuma mentions that the professor won a Nobel Prize and insists on his help to repair their toaster beast by taking Ikuko and Masahike hostage. They are to be thrown into a giant microwave oven.
Back on the cruise, Keisuke and Saeko are having lunch and hoping that the others are finding what they're looking for. Keisuke tells Saeko that they are being watched. Trying not to look around, they look anyway. They go out on the ship's deck and Keisuke lights a smoke as they enjoy the moonlight. Someone is following them and when Saeko senses it and turns to look, that someone ducks away. Saeko looks concerned and Keisuke asks her what's the matter and she, of course, blames it on Godzilla. Swearing that she heard him.
No sooner had that scene ended, that Godzilla is shown coming out of the ocean and onto a rocky shore somewhere. He's doing okay. Screaming, lightning crashing all around him. Everything seems normal here. Back on the ship, the alien agent Yanagawa is picking the lock of Saeko's cabin door and enters and without waking her, steals the case where the statue is stored. Running back to his cabin, opening the case and pulls out the statue. His eyes all wide as if he pulled something off. However Keisuke was hiding in the closet and surprises the thief. He starts kicking his ass and a fight ensues. There is a gun and a knife involved. Yanagawa cuts Keisuke's hand and Keisuke shoots Yanagawa in the face. Yanagawa's true form shows as he transforms into a dark green orc-gorilla, and he seems disappointed as he grabs the statue and runs out onto the ship's deck. Keisuke chases him. Saeko wakes up and notices the statue gone. She seems disappointed, too.
Keisuke is looking for Yanagawa as he seems to have given him the slip, but he soon attacks Keisuke from behind and with the gun he grabbed from him, he motions for Keisuke to stand by the railing. Just then an unseen gunman points a gun at Yanagawa and shoots him causing him to fall overboard. Saeko runs up to Keisuke and informs him that the statue is gone. She asks if the statue went with the thief when he went overboard, Keisuke answers in the affirmative. Keisuke is suspicious that someone other than himself shot the orc-gorilla Yanagawa.
Interpol agent Nanbara speaks to them as he approaches and tells them that they should talk about love. He laughs at them. The next day the captain of the ship brings the real case with the real statue in it to Keisuke as the ship is coming into port. Saeko seems confused. Keisuke had the captain keep the valuable locked in a safe for the trip. Saeko was keeping a fake one this whole trip. She feels stupid but politely smiles at Keisuke as he tells her that what friends don't know, enemies won't know. Keisuke seems to be one step of the aliens and monsters all the time.
At the hotel, Keisuke inquires the desk clerk about Miyajima, and the others. They haven't been seen for days. Everyone is worried about them. Of course they're being watched there, too. Another guy just out of nowhere. Saeko stays behind at the hotel and Keisuke takes off to the cave. With a flashlight, looks around inside the cave. Professor Miyajima is helping the aliens repair their dumbass Mechagodzilla. He's complimented when he finishes in record time to get the metal beast in working order and Kuronuma pours a drink and informs him it'll start shit at six in the morning. Miyajima demands the release of his daughter and Masahiko. Kuronuma leads him to their cell that resembles a large microwave oven. With buttons, a steamer setting and all. Miyajima is pushed in and the door is locked.
They three prisoners are steamed and then set on high heat. Meanwhile Keisuke finds the professor's weird, super magnetic pipe. One of the aliens suddenly shows up and holds him at gunpoint. Keisuke, for such a smart guy got stupid real fast. But thankfully Interpol agent Nanbara shoots the alien instead, like he did on the ship, and he watches as the hand of the alien goes from human-like to gorilla-like. It's a good dissolve effect. Not terrific, but good enough. Finally Keisuke asks him who the hell he is, and Nanbara finally tells him. After Keisuke learns that he's been followed for some time, being caught in the net, Interpol was apparently onto space aliens, the giant toaster and human-sized microwave ovens and monsters.
The alien gets up and Nanbara holds him at gunpoint. The alien saw how that felt. Nanbara ordered him to lead them to the secret base. In the microwave, the three prisoners are still getting nuked. Nobody seems to think about taking any of their jackets or coats off. Nanbara and Keisuke break into the base using the gorilla-handed alien and gets by the first barrier by forcing their hostage to reveal the base's password. It was Alpha Centaurus. Oh for fuck sake! Nanbara and Keisuke overpower two more guards and take their uniforms to further infiltrate the base. The professor and the others are about well-done. Nanbara and Keisuke rescue them before the rising temperature went to broil. Two other alien guards thought they'd stop them, but they were shot as well and everyone escaped the large microwave oven death trap.
Meanwhile Saeko is not at all in harm's way, but seems agitated. Her mild expression of worry is suddenly replaced by shock for the first time in this movie, when she notices outside there's a red moon in the sky. It's a half moon so it doesn't count as an eclipse. But it's red and looks ominous. Back at the alien base alarms are going off everywhere. Kuronuma watches on his monitors the escaping prisoners and laughs as he bids them farewell. He calls them stupid. When they all cram into Keisuke's car, Nanbara stops Keisuke from starting the engine. He pulls out a roll of string and next scene the string is seen as being tied to the key and when it pulls, the car blows up. Of course no one was in the car, and Kuronuma thinking they're all dead, are free to stand around discussing their next moves. A plan was set in motion. For the first time during this whole movie. Keisuke and Ikuko take off and Nanbara go back to the cave where the alien base is, with the professor and Masahiko. They get back into the entryway and with the password, gain entry. Again. By the same alien that was trying to kill them before. Um okay. Nanbara uses more string to strangle the alien and this time it's really not a good dissolve. The alien turns into a really ugly gorilla but you can see Nanbara being freeze-framed during this process.
Over at the shrine that has been referred to as a castle, Keisuke, Ikuko, and Saeko run to the place with the statue where the statue is supposed to be placed when the red moon sets and all that other nonsense. But just as they're running toward the shrine castle establishment, they're being shot at. Goddamned aliens managed to take the Azumi grandfather and priestess hostage. Keisuke is angry and disappointed. The grandfather rambles on about how it's all Keisuke's fault, and then gets over-dramatic about the way he's suffered. He's being a total crybaby. When the aliens demand the statue, Keisuke is resigned to give it up, but naturally the aliens are shot by an unknown out of nowhere and spew green-black oily blood and turn into orc-gorillas. With the aliens dead, the man that was watching Keisuke and Saeko at the hotel desk comes up and introduces himself as an Interpol agent named Tamura (Isao Torii) and Keisuke learns that he's Nanbara's partner.
The sun starts rising in the west although it seems to already have risen, but what do I know? The way the scene is shot, the red moon is now full and sinking, while a large fuzzy hazard light is seen through a really bad camera lens. But Keisuke discovers the riddle was referring to a mirage. The fuck? Keisuke quickly grabs the case and opens it as Saeko takes the statue and places it on the shrine's little roof display shelf. They all look around for what the statue is gonna do. What the moon's gonna do. What the sun's gonna do. The sun's light causes the statue's eyes to flare up and send lasers from them into the side of a nearby mountain. The side of which gets blown to smithereens. After the smoke clears, inside the mountain is king Caesar. The carpet draped mutant chihuahua himself. King Caesar is still sleeping even after all that noise. Nanbara and the others fail to catch up to Mechagodzilla before he launches out of the base but Miyajima assures them that it can still be destroyed by destroying the control room. Something just doesn't compute. Am falling into a deep sense of pain by this point. Kuronuma tells the metal menace to destroy king Caesar while he sleeps. As Mechagodzilla clatters through the hills to smash Caesar, Nami knows what she must do. This is her big number. She runs to the shore while Keisuke tries to stop her, saying it's too dangerous. But the grandfather, who is suddenly more calm and relaxed, tells him that only a direct descendant of the Azumi royal family can awaken king Caesar. With a full orchestra, Nami performs her song.
As she sings her vocally well-pitched ballad for being on a beach, a mile away from king Caesar, and a robot godzilla approaching it does awaken Caesar the shaggy eared totem pole model. As his eyes glow red in their traffic light sort of way, an explosion occurs as one would expect a natural mountain to do when a giant thing stands up within it and breaks free. The observers of this hysterical event smile and look genuinely happy. Kuronuma is hating it. Telling his toaster to destroy Caesar as Nanbara, Masahiko, and Miyajima come barging into the control room where they accidentally run under the electric ceiling fan that electrocutes them.
Back outside the two monsters go at it, a play by play shows that Caesar started kicking Mechagodzilla's ass, but Mecha turned around and started kicking Shaggydogzilla's ass. At the alien base Nanbara et al are tied up. Caesar and Mecha have started so much shit that Godzilla comes blasting up from the ocean. Both the good guys and Kuronuma state the obvious about Godzilla still being alive. The good guys are happy. Not thrilled. Not overcome with emotion. But happy. It's just gonna have to do!
Godzilla and Mechagodzilla are now fighting. Mecha doesn't fight fair and starts his flying airplane shit while beams shoot out of his eyes. Godzilla falls down. Kuronuma gloats. And Nanbara has already managed to turn a ring he was wearing into a key to unlock himself from his space titanium chain and padlock. Miyajima sees he is about to get loose so he takes out his pipe and begins to take it apart. Godzilla gets up as does Caesar and Mecha is about to be mashed but he does a Linda Blair toward Caesar while aiming his finger missiles at Godzilla, but shoots his missile toes at him instead while setting Caesar on fire. Then Mecha does an even faster head spin creating a force field around him. This was new. Mecha is throwing everything he can at the other two monsters with his fingers, toes and kneecaps, while back in the control room of the alien base Nanbara has set himself free and signals to Miyajima that he is now loose. Miyajima gets his pipe separated. On the battleground, Godzilla appears mortally wounded. Again. But as Mecha is doing his airplane bit, Godzilla gets back up and summons electric towers to attach themselves to him, healing him.
Nanbara takes the two pieces of the pipe that Miyajima holds behind his back without Kuronuma noticing a thing. Godzilla is a magnetic pole and with that he makes Mecha his plaything. When Kuronuma tries to get control of Mecha, the toaster takes off but with Godzilla in tow as he grabbed onto his back. Miyajima instructs Nanbara to throw both pieces of the pipe at both ends of the control console. Godzilla and Caesar are so mad now that they are serious about kicking Mecha's ass. Godzilla even tears off his head. Kuronuma is in tears. Nanbara slides the pipe bowl toward the console and throws the other half of it to the other side while one guard jumps up and aims a gun. Nanbara grabs the guard and uses him as human shield to shoot the other guard as Kuronama shoots at Nanbara but hits his own guard instead. Then Nanbara shoots Kuronama in the throat and he sprays dark green blood. He turns into a orc-ape with extra spikes in his face. The original Darth Maul. The console blows up. Nanbara and the other two hostages escape. The base blows up. The mountain blows up. Godzilla standing next to Mechagodzilla blows up. A rain of space titanium is all that's left of the giant toaster airplane.
Godzilla, once again, rises out of the sea where he had fallen a moment ago and screams something that just cannot be translated. Ikuko expresses dismay at the mountain's destruction knowing her father was in that general area. Keisuke tells her that it's okay, that he achieved a victory. Godzilla goes back into the sea. Caesar settles back into his mountainside. A mountainside that mysterious got all put back together, but being a half monster, half dog, he's gotta mess it all up again. Burying himself back inside the mountain. And it seals him back inside. Caesar won't be playing Broadway after that incident with King Kong was widely known. Nami and her grandfather Tengan (Masao Imafuku) put the statue in their little shrine and locked it up. He mentions something about sleeping in peace. Well, yeah! Nobody knows if Professor Miyajima and Nanbara made it out alive, but Muh Psycho sure did.
The larger figure of Caesar sits on top of the gate and as the camera zooms in close, you'd think they would have done something about uncrossing his eyes by now.
Songs to Summon Giant Goofy Things[edit | edit source]
In Japanese culture, there are songs to summon large aquatic and subterranean monsters. Some monsters and other very large things have their own songs, written for them and sung to them by usually young female women. Mothra is one such creature who can boast having songs for it sung by twins. In the case of Caesar, the carpet draped mutant chihuahua, his song is performed by an Azumi priestess who summons him to wake from his slumber. His slumber stirred by a soft and calming melody by an equally soft female voice that goes into a chorus of straining notes that begs him to awake immediately. Only to have to battle with a giant vindictive toaster with laser beams and missile toes, explaining the sudden glowing red eyes and jumping out of his cave unhinged, slapping, stomping, and mashing everything in sight.
Because songs have been so effective in defeating generally nasty monsters the size of a battleship, the Japanese made it a point to write songs for any young female singer to perform for any reason, even if there was no danger, because it sounded good. Such songs as Like A Prayer I Sing To Kong, Wake Yourself Up And Go Go Gargantua, and I Sing For Long Waters To Seek A Refuge In Sunset Time Without The Trouble Of Sleeping In Subways as the nearest English equivalent can give.
The Japanese hit on a winning formula with using songs to awaken beasts and other anomalies of nature, as this practice went worldwide and filmmakers everywhere started using the technique whenever plots dragged along, their movie had no story, they were trying to break into the music industry and whenever disco was needed to keep the audience excited and awake. This faded away after the early 1980s when that style of music was replaced by electronic new wave sounds. That faded, as well. By the turn of the century, filmmakers used music in movies as a last ditch effort in case the script needed a Godzilla. Even then, it was usually scraped and left on the cutting room floor. Making young Japanese female singers seek recognition for their talents by summoning contest judges who often fell asleep while hearing their songs, although the songs aren't so bad and judges are typically corrupt.
After such long slumbers of giant mutant dragons and beasts, the singing to summon them had waned so much that in fact, it's hardly even mentioned as a last resort. But there are tribes of nomads who are keen in the ways of drama and rumor has it that they are just waiting to unleash a massive destructive kaiju before they, themselves are nuked. The Japanese are just waiting for their chance. Nowadays, nobody really sees a problem with that as long as the monster is quick about it.
Legend has it that if something goofy is summoned, there's an antidote to cause its retreat. If some large, goofy, unbalanced monster is subjected to this method it will try to escape. As something said repeatedly angers the beast. One example can be seen in the documentary The Princess Bride when a six-fingered freak was confronted by a repeated line simply giving an introduction, what was done and to prepare to die.
When Aliens Fail To Kill Your Monster[edit | edit source]
It wasn't bad enough that the alien Japanese Alien Weird Eye Man-Ape thing was so arrogant that he had no idea that his hostages were smarter than he was, but he had to go and blow up his own control panel bringing down his flying toaster in the process. The film seems to hint that there may be a moral of the story they're telling, but that would be a stretch. You have an unhinged alien group of men-ape things who have a giant tin can armed with explosive curling iron barrels and on the other hand you have an unhinged priestess who sings songs on the beach to wake up yet another unhinged giant thing that looks a little more evolved than an ape, to smash the alien tin can. The only moral of this story there could ever be is; stay the hell away from Japan.
The Legacy of Kaiju & The Models They Smash[edit | edit source]
Back in the 1700s it was said that large aquatic monsters usually menaced villages and towns near lakes and oceans, but after so many times during the late 1700s and into the 1800s that line of thinking was corrected. From then on it was said that any large aquatic monsters rising out of the water meant that everyone far inland was a target. They were the ones with the farmlands, the bigger populations, the most strategically placed due to mountains, canyons, and bigger shopping malls. That's what monsters want to smash. They don't care about some lonely little wharf or pier with a couple of straw huts. After so many times of being smashed while placed far inland, people wised up and began building around the coastlines, leaving everything inland resembling ghost towns. It was then that monsters stopped rising out of the sea to smash anything, until of course Godzilla came around and preferred to smash Tokyo, being his favorite stomping grounds.
Recreating the devastating smashings in film was a challenge to filmmakers without using miniature models and replicas of cities and towns. One interviewer discussed the process with Uncyclopedia's Oscar Wilde about how the models were made. "We use milk cartons, boxes painted like skyscrapers, styrofoam cutouts, oven racks for bridges and suspension bridges. We also use soda cans as silos and industrial structures, and we use Lego that is shot from far away so it doesn't look like Lego. We use toothpicks, frying pans, spatulas, forks, bowls, noodles, chocolate mouse, whipped cream..." When Oscar Wilde asked about the whipping cream, the set designer explained that his mind wandered off and said to scratch that last one. "These models represent the legacy of how easy it is for the monsters (Kaiju) to destroy cities and towns. The audience must fear something like this happening for real." He said. Stating that it was a testament to the frailty of human life everywhere as most cities and towns are made out of cartons, boxes, styrofoam and toothpicks.
Theme Song Explained[edit | edit source]
Right off the bat, this is one fucked up song if you are listening to it with an English speaking ear. You have to switch your brain into Japanese mode and if you're turning Japanese, you would really think so. The song's title is Miyarabi's Prayer which translates back to Japanese as Miyarabi-needs-something-so-wake-the-fuck-up-and-listen! In English the words stir up conflicting messages of Kool Aid and Cheetos. Not to mention that someone is a chainsaw and that some key is in some goo. But the Japanese words are much better in simplicity despite the long sentences to get to the point. In its original language the song speaks of waiting on a beach beneath the stars and palm trees for Caesar (the carpet-draped mutant chihuahua) to come boldly and powerfully over the coral and flowers, I await your return, monster mash those things on your way to me, oh king Caesar.
In a nutshell those are the Japanese words being wailed out by a desperate island priestess who has had enough of the shit between Godzilla and the flying toaster.
See Also[edit | edit source]
Godzilla
Japan
Kool Aid
Prayer
The War of the Gargantuas
Godzilla Cast & Crew
Lyrics to Miyarabi's Prayer with side by side Japanese to English texts