Forum:DO ME A FAVORE

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Stand up, go outside and do these things:

• Create a new religion. Preferably one including the sacrifice of virgins and consumption of pork.
• Create large golden statues of numerous greek gods. Place them strategically around your house and ask things of them and talk to them daily.
• Say the following out loud: "God damn it, Jesus Fucking Christ, I broke my toenail."
• Work through Saturday and Sunday. What the hell, work through Christmas, too.
• Call up your mum and dad, and tell them to go eat shit, and hope they die slowly and that you are putting them in a cheap nursing home.
• Kill someone. (You might want to save this one for last, so as to be able to do the others without cops on your tail.)
• Fuck someone other than your wife. If you're not married, get married to someone and fuck her sister.
• Steal something. Preferably something shiny.
• Lie. Lie a lot. Lie about everything. "Yes Tom, and then a polar bear flew out of my ass."
• Stand on your neighbor's porch and stare in their front window. Look at all their gadgets and gizmoes. Gawk at their shiny new 54 foot plasma TV. Drool over their signed picture of a nude Barbara Walters. Imagine what their solid platinum poodle would look like in your living room.

Other things to do, but not as necessary:

• Fuck your sister
• Masturbate
• Set a church on fire
• Set a Jew on fire
• Burn a cross
• Crucify a younger sibling
• Smear olive oil all over your naked body and send pics to sliferjam@gmail.com

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Still alive? Good. That means either that you didn't do any of the following, God doesn't exist, or He went down to the corner store to buy some more lightning bolts.
so sayeth Sliferjam ~ Talk * Sock * Jam * Gallery * Fearless Fosdick? 00:25, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

You need to get us all to do those things simultaneously. I mean, Uncyclopedia doing some of those things, not one person doing all of those at once. That would just be physically impossible. Ж Kalir, Wandering Hippie Salesman 00:28, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

What did I have to burn? Oh yeah. /me burns a storage facillity full of jam --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 00:31, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

All done. Actually, I'm too lazy, I just did the very last one. WAIT! I accidentally sent the pictures to Nana_Benson@hotmail.com! No, Nana, shield your eyes! Nice job Sliferjam, this is all your fault. Benson 17:17, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

Hmm, I'd better get started on these. --DorkLord 11:49, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

I didn't know that you were capable of such impeccable political correctness, Sliferjam, but it doesn't belong on Uncyc. Here on Uncyc we use satire and irreverence to create humor. This is not the place for such serious conservative statements such as those you just made. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 20:06, 30 June 2007 (UTC)