Flash drive

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The blinking star is a sign to Puritans to rush to alarm: Britney's Flash Drive is nekked! But we all know that its dirtier when its covered by lacey pink panties. Besides, it made you look, didn't it!

Invented by Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in 2006, the flash drive is a means by which one may access, egress or operate a motor vehicle in the presence of the paparazzi to achieve maximum impact at departures, arrival and drive-bys. The technique requires the proper equipment, and the proper presentation. Execution of a flash drive by someone who isn't properly equipped, or doesn't know what they are doing can either harm bystanders, or at least scare them into therapy.

The introduction of the Flash drive made passé the long standing tradition of the nipple shot, which, itself, made the "cleavage shot" outdated in 1966.

Introduction of the modern flash drive[edit]

The first recorded flash drive was made in October 2006 when Paris Hilton unveiled her vagina exiting a 2006 Maybach sedan. The press immediately pounced upon the flash drive, recording its presentation. Photographs of Ms. Hilton's flash drive immediately became a media sensation.

While thought to be a fad, Britney Spears revived the media flurry around her when she introduced her own version of the flash drive. The initial version was soon followed up with a pairing of latest Paris Hilton model, and soon the two were releasing coordinating flash drives with some regularity. So much so that the media frenzy began to dissipate. The lack of coverage caused a strain on the relationship between Ms. Hilton and Ms. Spears and soon the two ended their joint ventures.

Lesser attempts[edit]

An attempt was made by Lindsay Lohan to unveil her own flash drive in 2008, however by that time the flash drive's entrée into modern usage had become somewhat passé itself. When used by Dame Judi Dench at the 2008 Academy Awards, no one seemed to notice.

This was confirmed on October 21, 2008 when Barbara Bush, the former First Lady of the United States rolled out her own model of the flash drive, much to the chagrin of the White House Press Corps who were trying to cover Mrs. Bush's arrival at the White House for a tea with the wives of former heads of state.

A new low[edit]

Ann Coulter, a propionate of the flash drive attempted one on the January 7, 2009 edition of NBC's Today Show, however the camera's were kept above the waist at all times. Coulter went so far as to berate host Matt Lauer for showing his "Liberal ennui" at the presentation of her flash drive. Lauer refused to lower his eyes, which only angered Coulter more.


For the every-woman, a flash drive may be used when arriving or departing an event, or when dropping the children off (or picking them up) at school.

To use one's flash drive, one must dispense with the time honored method of "sitting" into an automobile with a short skirt and no underwear - a practice that involves planting both feet tightly together at the knees, sitting in the seat itself (all the while keeping a hand firmly grasping on the hem of the short skirt), and the quick motion of lifting the legs slightly to either the right (left if one is in Great Britain) and then pivoting the length of the legs at a low angle into the automobile, thus maintaining one's modesty. As a finishing motion, one may also tug on the bottom of the skirt to straighten the material, avoiding creases later on.

Because a flash drive requires maximum exposure one who wishes to undertake the move can dispense with keeping one's legs together; in fact this is discouraged as the legs must each be lifted into (out of) the automobile proper, knees spread and hand off the skirt. Most importantly once you undertake the action, like golf, you must follow through.

For a drive by, one need only to ensure that the material of the skirt is pulled back to expose something but never to one's own children as this would be considered gauche.

See also[edit]