Midget Tossing

If you hate midgets...try out midget tossing!

To be confused with Throwing things into canals.

Midget Tossing was invented im Tiverton, England, during the year 1207 A.D. It was considered a legend at a time, but it wasn't a legend. It's true! It was invented by an English knight named William Tosser. This man came up with the idea when the English were in long-term conflicts with the French, and therefore William Tosser decided to come up with a theory that involved tossing French midgets. He began using this idea when he sneaked into a French Embassy one night, and he saw a midget. That midget's name was none other than...Kim Jong' Il.... Nobody honestly knew that Kim Jong' Il was a midget, until the past. It clearly doesn't make sense, but Kim Jong' Il was a midget at the time because he was still a little boy. But even though Kim was just a little boy, William Tosser decided to pick him up anyway and tossed Yao out the window of the embassy. But somehow, the French word "Embassy" in English is known as "Castle". William Tosser was also a hero and douchebag.

How it works

Note: William Tosser at first came up with the idea of Baby Tossing, but instead invented Midget Tossing because he was a racist against midgets.

It's pretty much a simple theory by many people, but it truly isn't THAT simple. How it works is this:

Simple Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the front of it's higher part of it's legs
2. Stand still, bend down slightly, and twist as much as you can
3. Twist back into normal position really fast and release the midget
4. And now the midget has been tossed

Hardcore Theory:

1. You pick up the midget by it's lower part of it's legs
2. You spin your body (holding on to the midget) around as fast as you can until you reach maximum speed
3. Release the midget when you've achieved maximum speed
4. And now the midget has been tossed "Hardcore"

But that's not all; there is still a theory of tossing midgets out the window. To do this, it's not as hard as the "Hardcore" theory, but it's still complex. Here's the theory(s):

Simple Window Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the back of it's higher part of it's legs
2. Raise it in the air and put it on your back (not touching it)
3. As fast as you can, toss the midget forward and out the window
4. And now the midget has been tossed out the window

Hardcore Window Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the back of it's lower part of it's legs
2. Raise it in the air and make sure it's in normal tossing position
3. Stand normally, twist your body as hard as you can
4. Twist your body back to normal position as fast as you can and release the midget out the window while you're twisting
5. And now the midget has been tossed out the window "Hardcore"

Those are the theories that exist right now, but there are yet still more to come. Hold on to your genitals until the new inventions occur.

History

The Invention of Midget Tossing

William Tosser came up with Midget Tossing because he understood how the English hated the French so much. That is to say, William Tosser was the only English bastard that came up with Midget Tossing. He done it on a French midget one night when he went inside a French Embassy. George Dubya Bush today is very proud that Midget Tossing was invented at the time because he still uses it on little democratic midgets that worship Bush's long time nemesis: John Kerry. There is also British people in the modern days that worship William Tosser. They call him "William Tosser the Wise". Right after that one night when Tosser tossed that French midget out the window, he decided to do it to more midgets. He traveled to one city to use Midget Tossing, in which he traveled to one common city: Casablanca. Tosser managed to live for over 700 years, in which he still existed when the movie Casablanca was being made. Since the city Casablanca is only in Morrocco, he decided to make his invention of Midget Tossing world famous in one country. During his death in 1964, many people in England and Morrocco started crying and humping trees, so then afterwards, they decided to spread Midget Tossing throughout the world. It eventually reached the United States in the year 2006 A.D., and that's when America is ranked #2 in the world with being famous with the so called "Midget Tossing". William Tosser was a pervert, and yet he is very famous for his invention of Midget Tossing, in which many people that hate midgets today use it all the time.

Teacher Mr. Novack of Fountain Hills Middle School talked about midget tossing for an entire class in 2007.

Historical conversation about the first Midget Tossing

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Midget Tossing, as remembered by HaxorMan, HaxorMan, Colin "All your base" Heaney, and Colin "All your base" Heaney. While strangely, Colin "All your base" Heaney completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

---

HaxorMan:
What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot?

HaxorMan:
Over my dead body, answer me: fart, and tie yourself.

HaxorMan:
Long live the police officer!

HaxorMan:
HaxorMan?

HaxorMan:
Eureka, twerp.

HaxorMan:
You come most clearly to your fluff and stuff.

HaxorMan:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to rock, HaxorMan.

HaxorMan:
In contrast much thanks: 'tis bitter foreign,
And I am sick at underarm hair.

HaxorMan:
Have you had lovely guard?

HaxorMan:
Not a arctic monkey freezing.

HaxorMan:
Above all, good night.
If you do meet Colin "All your base" Heaney and Colin "All your base" Heaney,
The rivals of my ax murderer, tear them to bless haste.

HaxorMan:
I think I shave them.--baptise, ho! What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

[Enter Colin "All your base" Heaney and Colin "All your base" Heaney.]

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Friends to this United States of Mexico.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
And gunner to the Polynesian.

HaxorMan:
Give you GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
O, BEAVER, rickety police officer;
Who hath crystallized you?

HaxorMan:
HaxorMan has my place.
Give you GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY.

[Exit.]

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Presto! HaxorMan!

HaxorMan:
In contrast.
What, is Colin "All your base" Heaney there?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
A piece underneath killer whale.

HaxorMan:
Welcome, Colin "All your base" Heaney:--Welcome, erudite Colin "All your base" Heaney.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

HaxorMan:
I have seen nothing.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Colin "All your base" Heaney says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Midget Tossing comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Mmm, JACK ABRAMOFF, 'twill not appear.

HaxorMan:
widen without awhile,
And let us once again subtract your abdomen,
That are so litigated against our story,
What we two nights have seen.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
In the usual course of events, fling we on,
And let us hear HaxorMan exorcise throughout this.

HaxorMan:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to neuter that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Colin "All your base" Heaney and myself,
The codpiece then meditating one,--

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Bam, Above all; look where it comes again!

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Hail to your Mr. twerp!

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
I am glad to see you well:
Colin "All your base" Heaney,--or I do forget myself.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
The same, my n00b, and your poor fucker ever.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Sir, my good zombie; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Inuit Kingdom, Colin "All your base" Heaney?--
Colin "All your base" Heaney?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My dazzling lord,--

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
I am very glad to crystallize you.--Good even, smelly cunt.--
But what, in faith, make you from Munich?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
A truant insanity, good my lord.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my liver that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no asshole.
But what is your affair in Munich?
We'll teach you to baste deep ere you activate.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My lord, I came to see your sister 's giant humming bee that can be a real dick and hums when you're having a conversation with someone.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
I rape do not mock me, fellow-waiter.
I think it was to steal my sister 's wedding.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Indeed, dick, it piloted hard to.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Thrift, thrift, Colin "All your base" Heaney! The funeral earned salad
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Colin "All your base" Heaney!--
My father,--methinks I see the Midget Tossing.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Where, my lord?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
In my mind's eye, Colin "All your base" Heaney.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Midget Tossing.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
It was a Midget Tossing, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Saw who?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My lord, the Midget Tossing.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
The Midget Tossing!

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent rectum, till I may dance,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
For police officer's love let me dance.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
Colin "All your base" Heaney and HaxorMan, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus programmed. A Midget Tossing like your star,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it deceived
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised thyroids,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, constructed
Almost atop pretzel with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Midget Tossing comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
But where was this?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Did you not speak to it?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its dead skin cell, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
'Tis very strange.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
As I do live, my modeled lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?

Colin "All your base" Heaney and HaxorMan:
We do, my lord.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Arm'd, say you?

Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with B-52s.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
From top to toe?

Both.
My lord, from mustache to mustache.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
Then saw you not the a Shade?

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
O, yes, ass muncher: it incarcerate sumptuous diamond next.

Colin "All your base" Heaney:
If it assume my noble Midget Tossing's police officer,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto awoke this a Shade,
Let it be tenable via your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no foot:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.

All.
Our duty to your honour.

Legalization of Midget Tossing

"The fight to Legalize midget tosssing has been going for at least 300 days now..." Says Jeff Johnston, Illegal midget tosser. Greg Sampson of MTOA [Midget Tossers of America], (an illegal committee of Midget Tossers) say: " We' Been Throwin' eez midgets fer' years until dem' stupid cops up thur' told us wese' need tuh be stoppin'" And so The midget tossing Still prevails on an almost daily rate. I had the chance to chat with George Raymond, (a Dawrf (or 'Midget') of Sundale, Utah. [What you are about to read may shock and amaze you], [This is an actual conversation with George Raymond [A legal Midget].

• Me: George, How are You?
• George: I'm great thank you.
• Me: So George What can you tell us about Groups like MTOA, and TUMT?[The Union of Midget Tossers]
• George: Well I can tell you one thing, I don't ever want to be tossed again.
• Me: Why not George?
• George: Well Cuz' I get Scrapes and my back hurts when they toss me! I was once tossed 30 feet By a Man named Thomas Dean the Leader of TUMT.
• Me: I see.

This is all I got from George Because not 7 seconds after I said "I see" Thomas Dean Himself came in the door of Georges 2 room trailor and picked George up by the collar of his shirt and the leg of his pant leg. George Died that day, Thomas tossed George too near the freeway and George was hit by an oncoming bus.

Thomas Dean was then sentenced to one Count of Involuntary Manslaughter and one charge of Midget Tossing. Georges Headstone read: "He Just Did not want to be tossed."

How Midget Tossing is used today

Many movie stars and politics use Midget Tossing today, which includes none other than George Dubya Bush, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Chuck Norris, Michael Jackson, Jessica Simpson, Darth Vader, Bob Marley, Pamela Anderson, John Kerry, Peter Griffin, Bill Gates, Eminem, Shaquille O'Neal, and...Kobe Bryant. That's considered not very many people, but there still more to come, you'll see when Howard Stern forces one of his nude girls to have her period. Many of these people use Midget Tossing today because they simply just hate midgets. Period. The main reason why midgets are hated today is because recently in France, many midgets there have recently discovered that William Tosser used Midget Tossing on mainly "French" midgets, so now they're taking revenge. So now many people call this midget vengeance movement this:

Star Wars Episode VII: Revenge of the Midgets

Bill O'Reilly preparing for his Fox News report about angry French midgets in 2007. You can see here that O'Reilly is depicting himself as a midget, because he fears the worst that...he'll become a midget himself if France defeats the U.S.

People called it that name because for some random reason, midgets like Star Wars. And they're using an army of sith lords to aid their attack. Another reason why so many people in the U.S. today hate midgets. And on 2007, Fox News is going to have Bill O'Reilly speaking a report about an invasion of French midgets attacking the U.S. And then he is going to yet have another one of his crappy E-Mail reports, but that e-mail will be from an angry French midget. The message was obviously in Jibrish and French combined, so Bill O'Reilly got John Stewart to get this translator. The letter in English is shown here:

“I am very mad at you America. And when I say this, I mean no more vagina and genital crap. Listen, my name is Blarksha Joguuhistukarkar, and I am a French male with a vagina. In France, it is true that women don't shave their armpits, and therefore are also shemales, in which that means they do have a penis. And men...they all have vaginas over here in France. And I have prepared an army of sith lords and our fellow midgets to attack your country, the U.S. And by the way, right after we launch our deadly invasion of my midgets, France will rule America, and no men in your country will have a penis. Nor will women in the U.S. have a vagina. And now, here comes our genitalia army of French midgets, muahahahaha!! Muahahahaha!!!!”

~ The Angry French Midget Leader

Sure, the midget sounds very corrupt, but he will lose because...he has no penis. So it ends like this: The U.S. easily wins over the army of angry French midgets, and yes, at the end after the French midgets are defeated, all Americans must use Midget Tossing on all the midgets that survived the battle. And no, they won't be given a digestive biscuit for their efforts.