Br'er Rabbit
Brer Rabbit, also spelled Bre'r Rabbit or Brer Rabbit or Bruh Rabbit, wuz de most wise-crackingest, smartest, ever talkin' varmint dat der ever wuz, an' he would offen be hop'n 'long on an' by an' by der wuz de happiestest share-cropper dat der ever wuz fer bein' able ter lookit dis sweet lil' bunny-hopper hop'n dat der ever wuz. Dis sweet-ol' negroe share-cropper, who wuz totally in a fair 'n' content legal contrac' wid' his owners wuz called Uncle Tom, or sometime Uncle Crow, but usually he wuz called by de son an' daughter of his kind, nice white massuhs as Uncle Black, so dat dey could tell him 'part fer all dey real people uncles in conversation!
So by an' by dis Uncle Black wuz a'watchin' ol' Brer a hop'n 'long by, an' tol' stories of his ventures to de kin' granfolk of his great an' kin' massuhs wid all de luxurious spare time he had on his wunderful an' definitely not demeanin' or illegal job as a free farmin' slave.
Br'er Rabbit an de Tar Baby[edit | edit source]
On a nice sunny zipedeedoodah kinda hot summah's day, ol' Brer Rabbit wuz a hop'n along, mindin' he own bizness, when fer all he did not know but der Brer Bear an' Brer Fox wuz a'strutt'n out of de local penetencherry, eager ter git' sum revenge on de lil' unassumin' Brer Rabbit fer ratt'n on 'em fer sellin' dey opyum plants in de talkin' animal market. But dis time de connivin' pair wuz hatchin' a extra-special plan ter ketch dat mean ol' happy yung bastard: cuz dey knew dat ol' br'er liked ter git all sticky-wicky wit de black babies on de plantation, der plan ter set out dis lil' black tar baby couldn't fail. So, by-an'-by, Br'er stopped at his hippity-hoppetty ol' prancin' 'round ter git a good ol' look (an' perhips sum'pin more) of dis lil' baby. So he stops an' says
“Howdy lil' feller!”
De baby didn't reply, which was na'chall, seein' as it wuz a baby.
So ol' Br'er, who jus' couldn't believe his luck, jus' a jumps 'a on ovah der an' started pullin' his normal pranks an' skills on de baby, an' by an' by he wuz gettin' all stuck-up in der an' got ter thinkin' dis wuz one 'a dem mean ol' tricks played on 'im by dat Brer Bear an' dat Brer Fox, an' sure 'nuff he wuz all wound-up in de tar an' couldn't git out.
But den Brer Rabbit pulled a clever plan outer his mustarches: he would beg 'um ter
“Torture me however it pleaze you! Truss me up an' chuck me in de fire! Feed me huney an cabbirdges till I gits darhea ril' bad! Gits me ter de Kappa Kappa Kappa frat house! But whutevah yah do, don't lemme screw Br'er Fox's sweet foxy wife 'a his!”
An' so by an' by, Brer Bear an' Brer Fox got ter thinkin':
“Man he sure is skeered 'a gettin' down wit' ma suppahmodel wife!”
An' so Brer Bear announced:
“Hey I know we shoul' make 'im screw yo wife! Dat'll teech de connivin' lil' smartass! Shall I git de kamcordah?”
Br'er Rabbit an de 13th Amendment[edit | edit source]
On anothah hot sunny zipedeedoodah kinda day (dey gits a lot of 'um down in de South), Br'er Rabbit wuz feelin' as fine an' dandy as evah az he hopped down de lil' country streets. An' so wuz Uncle Black, who wuz jus' sittin' der in dat nice big porch 'a his, praisin' de lawd fer havin' such a fine an' fair job. At dis fine moment in time, ol' Br'er wuz probably up to his same ol' tricks, what wid ol' Brer Fox an' Brer Bear: dey wuz probably all cuvvered in huney an' havin' a real rowdy an' rugged ol' time tergether. Ol' Uncle Black may not have dun seen his paycheck, but he wuz enjoyin' dat free ol' accommodation he wuz gittin', an' dat ol' community feelin' he wuz feelin' lak no uther wid all his fairly treated frends. Coz ya see: de muney don't mattah when you got life ter look forward ter. An fer sum proof dat Uncle Black wuz enjoyin' his job: he could leave at enny time, he'd jus' git shot a couple times an' die starvin' on de streets; not cos he wouldn't be able ter find a job elsewhere, but cos he'd jus' be too turble sad from his ol' job dat he'd nevvah want a job elsewhere (also employahs would find a brand on his buttocks tellin' 'em ter send 'im back undah Georgia law).