Friedrich Nietzsche: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:53, 20 March 2006

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-{{wilde|Come on, don't you think that his moustache is really sexy? I'd lick it...|[[Friedrich Nietzsche|a visit to a nudist party]]}}
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-{{Wikipedia}}
-'''Friedrich Nietzsche''' (rhymes with "troutzsche" or the British pronunciation of "feature" depending on dialect) was a man most noted for his impressive sexual prowess; it is reported that only [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] could beat his record of sexual harrassment lawsuits in Austria.  He, like Jesus, was the product of a virgin birth; however, this also led to the traumatic incident in which he, in the process of birth, popped his mother's [[cherry]].  This was the first of several profoundly unfortunate incidents that colored the life of Eastern Europe's most famous philosopher (or at least, the only one who any American has ever heard of).
-==History==
-===Early life===
-[[Image:Nietzcheasayoungwoman.jpg|thumb|150px|Nietzsche as a young woman.  He realized later that he could accomplish more as a man.]]
-Friedrich Nietzsche was born in [[1805]] in [[Vienna]], [[Austria]].  Friedrich lived a troubled childhood, stemming from both the intense difficulty he had in spelling his own name (he always [[Nietzche|forgot the 's']]), but also because of his intense fear of exclamation points found in unedited internet encyclopedia articles.  Finding himself morally challenged, and having already stumbled through a lifetime of uncertainty and confusion, Friedrich thought it was a [[good]] idea to study [[philosophy]].  During his college years, Friedrich supported himself by moonlighting as an investigative reporter; many theologians attribute his in-depth coverage of the sensational Jesus Christ murder trial to his later declaration that the Lord is deceased; however, documents recently declassified by the [[United States]] government suggest that Nietzsche was most influenced by a bad experience he had with a [[syphillis|burning bush]].
-=== Nietzsche's Music Career ===
-In the late 1980's, Nietzsche got together with [[Victor Wooten]] to form a Punk/Screamo band called "[[Will 2 Power]]". It was actually Barry Manilow himself who upon meeting him, created the term, "[[NietzscheXcore]]". While touring with this band, he was accidentally given a water bottle with a large dosage of LSD and promptly created the dance step, [[Drown Yomamma]].  Unfortunately this dance step requires that you bring your mother to a German disco, which in itself is embarrassing enough to make you want to kill her.  Most people could only [[groove]] to Nietzche's moves once in a lifetime; Nietzsche the Choreographer gained a brief but large following among children of divorce and Mormons who lived near bodies of water, but quickly faded into the collective unconsciousness.  This was a monumental event in Nietszche's life which led him to write many books about the warmth and hatred of pop culture; he was rumored to have been particularly vindictive against the works of [[Madonna]], who is rumored to have given him syphillis.
-===A Traumatic Time===
-In the late 20th century Nietszche's [[baseball]] prowess was misinterpreted by the [[Nazi]] party, when they bombed France under the pretext of preemptively prohibiting them from using the name “World Series” for the final match in a sport which only they played. They also liked to read his works while in the toilet.  This was a particularly fine match, as [[Germans]] take a notoriously long time to defecate, and Nietzsche takes a notoriously long time to read.
-===A Happy Ending===
-In disgust, Nietzsche left the [[sport]], and moved to England, where he became a semi-pro in [[kitten huffing]], and married [[Tony Blair]]. They had three children, Ethel, Methyl, and Apollonion Dionysia. Nietzsche died from a heroin overdose after ingesting too much publicity surrounding the tragic death of some random [[horse]]. After his death, he rentered the universe during the course of his [[samsara]] and was reborn as a giant space baby, or Overman, just as he had prophesized in his book, Zarathustra II: Electric Boogaloo. This portion of his life was immortalized by the film, 2001: A Space Odyssey.
-After his death his Sister [[Elisabeth Förster-Nietzsche]] bought the [[Copyright]] of his books for one [[Reichsmark]] and chaged some few words, so that Nietzsches philosphy could be used by the regimes of [[Benito Mussolini]] and [[Adolf Hitler]] to indoctrinate fascist ideologies.  She is currently [[Switzerland|rolling in the dough]]
-==Legacy==
-Nietzsche decided to claim that "[[God is deaf, and one-three-three-seven]]", talked about the "Will to power up", and the "Slave morality" and other passionate [[nonsense]]! One side-effect is that Nietzsche invented [[Superman]] for [[DC Comics]] using his strange statements that made no sense! Apparently Nietzsche works best with fiction and not [[fact]]! Soon after this, Nietzsche became the lord of all that is evil! The false prophet of his dark master, [[Megatron]].
-Atheists follow Nietzsche, because as children they were slighted by Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny as well! Nietzsche's works are often used by the [[Evil Atheist Conspiracy]], as well as to justify pre-marital sex!
-He has also written several books, including [[The Gay Pseudoscience]].  This has been known for provoking many people to come out of the closet after reading it, because it is very dark in there and you can't see the words properly.
-==Main Works==
-:"''The Birth of Tragedy: Soulseek'':in this book, Nietzsche analizes the effects of p2p programs on the life of teenagers and points Indie as the start of the end.
-:*''Ecce Homo'': the book where Nietzsche confesses his total (female - see pic above for evidence) homosexuality for the first time. A masterpiece of gay literature, that enshrouded him with wreaths of literary glory in the empyrean of alternative literary movements - and at every gay pride rally, where he is kissed and licked in effigy while icons of G.W.[[Bush]] get burnt wholesale. A lapel pin with the first line of this book ("Here I am, there you are, yet we still have something in common also if you are there and I am here, and nothing would change if it would have been me to be there and you to be here, or the other way round. Got it?") has now become the [[GOP]] Usa party official pin.
-:*''The Gay Pseudoscience'': as already previously stated by my most illustrious collegue (with which we have written several biographies of Nietzsche, the most famous of them being "''[[Karl Nietzsche: Why We Have Not Understood His Thought]]''", currently sold out at Amazon, but still available in the black market), this is one of the most important books ever written, which spawned new social streaks of living. This, is the other very famous book by Nietzsche (perhaps even more famous than "Ecce Homo"), where he promotes the cause of homosexuality. Here, however, he is less explicit than he was in "Ecce Homo", which makes of this masterpiece an example of [[symbolism]] and [[minimalism]]. It is famous the sentence "I am not homosexual", which was a clear indication that he meant to mock at those who accused him of being such, by falsely declaring of being not such, all the while being such, and thus subtly saying he was such namely what he apparently said he wasn't and that yet he was. An unparalleled masterpiece of surrealist logic.
-:*''Also Slap Zarathustra'': while entertaining a [[bdsm]] relationship with his dog, Nietzsche suddenly got an insight which brought him to an istantaneous Nirvana after which he realized he wasn't Nietzsche, but the anagram of it - which goes ''Zarathustra'.
-It is with this insight, that Zarathustra-Nietsche found out that in any satisfactory [[bdsm]] relationship with your dog, you should not only slap the dog, but get slapped by its wiggling tail as well. Hailed as an unsurpassed masterpiece of egalitarianism, it was later on used by [[Virginia Woolf]] to promote feminist agendas and anti G.W.[[Bush]] rallies.
-:*''Human, Way Far Too Much Exceedingly Human'': in this momentous book of 7,303 pages (abridged versions of only 5 pages are available), Nietzsche speaks of the many advantages of being not human. He argues that God can find much better jobs than human can, needs no plumbers on weekends, and that his job is so good that he sticks to it a lil too much, being thus a clear cause of unemployment. Hailed by [[Karl Marx]] as the quintessential work against the many evils of Capitalism, was later on seized by the nazi, who read of it only [[Karl Marx]]'s introduction, as a manifesto of subversion (they changed their minds when they realized that the first 7,203 pages were not by Nietzsche, but they were by [[Karl Marx]]'s introduction - but alas, then it was too late already, and the war derived from this unfortunate misunderstanding was coming to an unexpected closing). It is because of this book that Nietzsche has been accused so many times of having been the starting cause of World War II.
-:*''The Twilight Of The Toilets'': hailed still today as a monumentum to the no global strife for a clean environment, this compelling pamphlet is the reason why bathrooms in bars are today far cleaner they were at Nietzsche's times. When G.W.[[Bush]] refused to sign the Kyoto Treaty on 1891, he was attacked by the great writer and Nietzsche follower [[Michael Moore]] using the very same arguments Nietzsche used in this terrific book: "If you cannot keep clean yout toilet, keep at least paper and waste in your courtyard" - a compelling argument that smashed G.W.[[Bush]] to the degree he was about to miss re-election (which he re-won by mistake).
-:*''Beyond Pelvis and Elvis'': another compelling book where Nietzsche proved that you cannot move your pelvis like Elvis, if you are in a bad mood. A landmark of metaphysical thought: it is famous the sentence "Go beyond this and that, if you don't like this and that. But for God's sake, move on, and make a goddam decision!". The must read for any tiptoe dancer.
-:*''Unbecoming Considerations'': hailed as the best manifesto ever against literary censorship, this book composed of 4 essays spreading throughout 2000 utterly blank pages, is a distressing and harrowing denunciation against the evils of Capitalism and of its diehard oppression of free thought. Only in the last page Nietzsche wrote a line, later to become as famous as to be used as a personal motto by G.W.[[Bush]]: "Away with the Usa! Let's go to Iran, there freedom of thought exists indeed!".
-:*''The Anti[[bush]]'': in this compelling (again) book, Nietzsche, very annoyed by the fact G.W.[[Bush]] used his sentences, joined the no global crusade under the banners of copyright infringements of free thoughts. After the publication of this monumental work in 18,000 pages, the no globasl movement declared Nietzsche its hero soon after having read the famous first two lines of it: "If I have something to say, I wouldn't say it to mr. Bush. Away with mr. Bush! Let's go to Iran, there freedom of thought exists indeed".
-:*''The Will To Willy'': a posthumous work, that therefore Nietzsche keeps updating only occasionally; here he says that you cannot want if you cannot wiggle a willy. It is from here that [[Freud]] got his first idea of psychoanalysis. An amazing book of unusual mystical power, that should be read while in hospital in order to have immediate ER care if you get an attack after its first pages (several sudden and mysterious deaths of young men still holding a copy of this book in their hands, have been reported). This is the book from which was taken G.W.[[Bush]]'s sentence that won him the Presidency: "Do not wonder what your country can do for you. Wonder what you can do in another country, and wander there, if you feel like wondering about ours for a lifetime!". A passionate pean to men to make willful decisions rather than chanting slogans. A must read. Five thumbs up! Rated five stars at [[Tucows]] and [[Winfiles]].
-==Famous quotes==
-<code>''"Dirty water must know how to wash himself with he who lives amongst YOU!"''</code>
-:<code>— '''Zarathustra Spoke Thus To YOU!-[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''"Well now you know, and knowledge is half way to being Übermench"''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“[[Philosophers]] cannot die.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Those who would fight the beast must beware not to become the beast.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Those who would fight the beast must also carry a +2 mace and the BLUE keycard. Trust me, you'll need this when the ninjas attack you in the second corridor.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“God is dead.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Nietzsche is dead.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[God]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Some are born posthumously”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Nietzsche]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Nietzsche is God.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''The [[Dead]]'''</code>
-<code>''“Nietzsche is immortal.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''Sigmund Freud'''</code>
-<code>''“Nietzsche, dead God.”''</code>
-:<code>— '''[[Verb]]'''</code>
-==Other Nietzsches==
-*The Ever popular large Robot character from the CCC Comic/Flash series created by the randomly awesome artist/animator Vinnie Veritas (A.k.a. Kite-ride).
-==Did you know...==
-*Nietzsche was known to have magical [[huge guts]] that induced [[hallucination]]s!  He would roam the streets of Vienna medicating abused cart horses administering the drugs with his tears!  When all the horses were stoned and the delivery carts were disabled, cart traffic cluttered the streets, the public violently protested, thinking that the delivery drivers had gone on strike! (Fearful of the violent protests, Nietzsche ran crying to his twisted sister's house and hid under the [[salami|bed]] for the rest of his life while she made fun of him!).
-*The son of German minimalists, Nietzsche was given no first name just like Prince, Bono, Cher or [[Ted McGinley]]. He sometimes went by "Fred" or "Nitzschie".
-*Nietzche's works are seen frequently in the videogame [[Michael Jackson's Moonwalker]]. Some have confused this with [[Xenosaga]], but it is highly unlikely that they are related.
-== See also ==
-* [[Nietzche]]
-* [[Superman]]
-* [[Lucifer]]/[[Megatron]]
-* [[God_V._Nietzsche]]
-* [[Darwin]]
-* [[Ayn Rand]]
-* [[Hitler]]
-* [[Satan]]
-* [[Nihilism]]
-* [[Natural Selection]]
-* [[Capitalism]]
-* [[Gangster]]
-* [[Gangsta]]
-* [[Mafia]]
-* [[Fascism]]
-* [[Nazi]]
-* [[Atheists]]
-[[Category: Philosophy|Nietzsche]]
-[[Category:Writers|Nietzsche]]
-[[Category:Sports|Nietzsche]]
-[[Category:Architecture|Nietzsche]]
-[[Category:Dead|Nietzsche]]

Friedrich Nietzsche: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:53, 20 March 2006

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