Zwartemeer

Zwartemeer, or more commonly referred to as Narnia, is a hypothethical place in the hypothethical Dutch province of Drenthe. It is speculated to currently have a population of 23 denizens (nineteen people and four cows).

History of Zwartemeer

The tragicomedy of Zwartemeer began in the late 1800s, when a self-exiled pedophile that was tired of the judgmental stares of morally upright Dutch society decided to found a farm in the middle of nowhere. The result was Zwartemeer: a paradise for degenerates, loners, and people who think giving their seven-year old children piercings is a good idea. Against all odds (and logic), the settlement rapidly mutated into the largest "city" in the forgotten swampland known as Drenthe. Some historians argue this was due to the accidental discovery of beer, while others claim it was simply because nobody knew how to leave.

Zwartemeer's golden age came to a screeching halt when the Great Turf War™ erupted between the proud people of Zwartemeer and the inbred German colonists of nearby Weiteveen. Armed with their signature military technique "SCHUBENBACHSNICHTZELSHU" (roughly translated as "throwing literal shit while screaming") the Weiteveners annihilated 99% of the Zwartemeer population. The remaining 1% were either run over by the German bikers or too drunk to notice.

For the next 100 years, Zwartemeer lived under the iron fist of Weiteveen rule, The occupation only ended when Zwartemeer's spiritual leader and part-time kebab vendor, Sjoerd Wegworst, trolled both Bassie and Adriaan, the two monarchs of Weiteveen, by sleeping with their mysterious long-lost sister, known only as Klazina Von Der Clit.

Traumatized and emotionally constipated, Bassie and Adriaan spiraled into a fugue state, believing themselves to be gay circus performers trapped in an endless children’s show. With their minds broken and their legacy in tatters, Weiteveen withdrew, leaving Zwartemeer to its usual schedule of drinking.

Zwartemeer's addiction to alcohol continued, until in 1970, when the eldritch being known as Cthulhu unexpectedly inducted all of the twenty-three citizens of Zwartemeer (including the cows) into his cult and devoured their souls. This brought daily life in Zwartemeer to a halt. That is, until Cthulhu decided the Zwartemeeran souls weren't tasty enough and threw them up.

You would expect all to be right after that, but the souls of the nineteen humans and four cows of Zwartemeer went into the wrong bodies after they were thrown up by Cthulhu. One man's soul went into a cow's body, another man's soul went into a woman, and one woman's soul went into a butterfly. This was never fixed and those souls remained in the wrong bodies for the rest of their lives. They had normal descendants, though, who went back to drinking.