Zombees

Zombees are a race of bee corpses that have been reanimated and set about to wreak havoc on the human race. They look very much like bumblebees, promoting confusion to the people who refuse to believe.

Zombees in History

The only recorded Zombee case involved a man being viciously attacked by, what went down in the books, bumblebees. BUMBLEBEES! Pshaw! Your supposed bumblebees are usually Zombees in disguise! Read below to learn the characteristics of a Zombee. Only then will you understand.

Zombee Characteristics

Zombees are known for their distinct lack of a stinger. This would make the casual observer wonder how they could harm a human being without a stinger, but the casual observer is obviously too casual to know anything of Zombees anyway. Anyway, Zombees attack by biting their victims. The Zombee venom is released into the bloodstream via venom sacs above their teeth, which, of course, are hollow for maximum venom secretion! Duh.

Zombees also have a bloated appearance due to the high amount of venom they have oozing around in them.

Aside from the lack of stinger and bloated appearance, Zombees also move very slowly. Very slowly. The casual observer would ask, even if they have dangerous venom sacs, how could they hurt us? Couldn't we just run away! WRONG! Zombees have psychic powers that entice their victims into walking towards them, implanting an image of a honey waterfall into the victims brain. Once there, the single bee will release venom into the victim, giving them a most nasty boo-boo.

"But wait a minute!" the casual observer pipes up again, obviously not knowing his manners, "How could you be killed by a Zombee? They don't have enough venom to kill you, do they?"

Were you not paying attention a minute ago?! They are bloated from the amount of HIGHLY TOXIC venom floating through their system!

"You didn't mention the venom was highly toxic a moment ago."

SHUT UP!

Fighting Zombees

Zombees are a very tough thing to kill. Guns don't work on them because they are so small. Flamethrowers would only release their venom, which can mist, into the air, bringing upon an outbreak of Zombees.

One of the only proper ways to dispose of Zombees is through the use of throwing knives?! It is a very tough thing to kill a Zombee with throwing knives. But it makes for great cinema. The most effective way however intricate, is to capture them in a lead lined heavy duty steel box so that they cannot harm you and then freeze them to -40. Once frozen they are quite safe and will crumble to dust when squashed. This Zombee dust is a good antidote v Zombee mind control as sprinkling it confounds their powers for a short time.

"Well then why couldn't I just use a gun?" asks the casual observer.

Because throwing knives don't spray their guts everywhere, stupid! Throwing knives pin them to a larger structure, where they can be properly disposed of (freeze!) Just make sure that they are not wearing Zombee Pants because as long as their legs are warm, they will not freeze. Find their hive, dispose of their pants and you are probably lucky to be alive (and not zombeefied). Then box them up... FREEZE!

How to Prepare

Should a Zombee outbreak occur, then you should take the following precautions.

1. Get a lot of throwing knives. 2. Purchase steel boxes lined with lead and a Zombeekeepers suit, available at most hardware stores. 3. Make your house airtight.Scratch that, that'd be stupid. Just seal all areas where Zombees could get in. 4. Dispose of all Zombee Pants properly, (Have to be bleached and then dry - cleaned) 5. Make sure you have the neccessary equipment to freeze the zombees to below -40. 6. Keep a well stocked bomb shelter ready. 7. Die 8. Contemplate your decisions Remember, only you can prevent Zombee outbreaks.

Music

"Zombee" is the title of a song by the Irish band "The Cranberries"