Weybridge
The United Workers Federation of Weybridge, not to be confused with the Walton Confederacy, is a citadel in North Surrey. It is well known for its high population of middle-aged divorced women and closeted paedophiles, as well as its rich culture of racist ideologies, terrorist satelite groups and shahin kebabs.
Weybridge has a population of 24, although this number has been disputed by experts. The citadel has some of the most expensive property in the United Kingdom, which some believe has lead to the high concentration of massive dickheads and fake "roadmen" (street youths who stand by the local waitrose and smoke cigarettes whilst intimidating passers by). Weybridge only has one waitrose much to the dismay of its residents.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
The citadel is known for its racial diversity. The Federation was built so that the native races could co-exist in peace and harmony. These include:
The Black Race[edit | edit source]
The Citedel currently has one native black person. His name is Leroy "Token" Lamar.
The Corsa Race[edit | edit source]
This tribe is thought to have originated from other Citadels in the local area, such as The Benefits Republic of Addlestone. They are characterised by the lack of exhaust on their car, and are often seen "pulling up" to the kebab van in the middle of the night and trying to pick up underage girls by impressing them with a 1.2 litre hatchback. They tend to be widely known as "Pikeys"
The Karens[edit | edit source]
The Karens are the biggest tribe in the Citadel, and occupy most of the dwellings. They are seen as great warriors- in the past they have defended the citadel by banding together and fighting the neighbouring Citadels in a battalion of Range-Rovers. At present they are relatively docile, and take to running over local children in their stupid dickhead cars.
The Middle-Eastern Race[edit | edit source]
The United Workers Federation of Weybridge is home to two of this race. They work in the Temple of Shahin and are seen as deific.
Used Nos Cannisters[edit | edit source]
There are a large number of these plucky little guys hanging around on the local streets. They are pretty calm normally, except when ur mate decides to ping one at you then they bloody hurt.
Contraversies[edit | edit source]
The Federation has been no stranger to controversy in recent years. It has recently been involved in a number of allegations relating to war crimes committed against the native gippos of the Benefits Republic of Addlestone.
Recent reporters from the Jewish-ran media uncovered a corruption scandal involving several Weybridge residents and politicians in the Slavic Republic of Staines, in which bribes were handed out in the form of packets of monster munch and ketamine.
Federation leaders strongly deny the role played by the Karens of Weybridge in bringing down the second tower on 9/11.
Following the release of Fifty Shades of Gay in 2009, a large group of Karens would stage a series of public executions involving several members of Weybridge’s LGBT community.
Human rights activists have long-since opposed the government-mandated ingestion of fake tan and Nigerian diet pills by residents.
The citadel continues to celebrate “Jeffrey Epstien Day,” in celebration of the life and teachings of Saint Jeffrey.
Locations[edit | edit source]
Weybridge Park[edit | edit source]
Hotspot for 14 year-old girls getting fingered on benches.
Morrisson's Car Park[edit | edit source]
Best place to pick up drugs, as the CCTV cameras don't work.
Shahin Kebab[edit | edit source]
Home of local celebrity and icon Mahmood.
Pubs[edit | edit source]
The Minnow[edit | edit source]
Best place to pick up a middle-aged divorce woman.
The Old Crown[edit | edit source]
Full of rugby boys and home to the £6 pint of flat fosters. What a great place.
The Jolly Farmer[edit | edit source]
Rammed with older men hitting on the 18 year old barmaids who can't pour a pint to save their life.
The Elmbridge Arms[edit | edit source]
Best local pub, great place for a fight too.
The Queen's Head[edit | edit source]
Local tory headquaters.
The Pelican[edit | edit source]
In disputed territory with the Benefit's Republic of Addlestone. Good boozer but a lot of pikeys.
The Hand & Spear[edit | edit source]
Good place to pick up a prostitute and flex that rolex you bought with your daddy's pay check.
The Shed[edit | edit source]
Undisputed.
Notable Residents[edit | edit source]
"tkwa11"[edit | edit source]
This richly fabled individual is a high ranking member the "North Weybridge Massive" gang. Many consider him a master of cigarillos and absinthe, and revere him for his supple cheeks and soft lips.
Betty Achan Ogwaro, Minister of Agriculture and Forestry of South Sudan[edit | edit source]
He resides in Weybridge.
Manuel Ferrera[edit | edit source]
Mr. Ferrera is known for his adult male work and charitable donations to Agriculture and Forestry in South Sudan.