User:Zana Dark/Who Love Cheesy Poos

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The bigger the hair, the harder the metal.
Dickofson's singing often comes out like a hyena vomiting, as illustrated in this band poster.

“I'm flying away to find a source for processed cheese.”~ from the WLCP song Come Fly Away

Who Love Cheesy Poos, or WLCP for short, is an American death metal band known for making heavy metal songs with lyrics remarkably similar to other popular songs on the radio, but centered around a theme of eating fake cheese foodstuffs...


Rise to Fame[edit]

Mailed a box containing 1000 headless pigeons and a demo tape to Sony Music headquarters with a sign on it reading, "Squab, suckers!!!"

WLCP's debut album was reviewed as "…one of the worst albums ever made."

WLCP tickets usually sell out...Despite an impressive catalogue of work, WLCP is primarily know as a live band, and ticket prices are known to rival Madonna's on the black market.


By February of 2006 the Nachos to Abuse tour was in full swing, just like your teacher's armflaps.

... WLCP made a colossal comeback with the single ... which has sold over 12 copies worldwide, and is 12 more albums than you've sold ever in your entire life.

Discography[edit]

The album titled Speed of Noise is about crabs and how to get rid of them.
Album Year Album Year
The Call of the Walrus 1982 The Art of Ordering Omelettes 1998
Procrastina... (incomplete) 1987 Speed of Noise 2002
Enter the Bathroom 1989 Anticipa... 2010
Pink Oboe 1992 We Need Money 2014

Singles[edit]

(audio)
Another Brick in the Eye (1998) (file info)
Listen to Who Love Cheesy Poos!
Single Year Single Year
We Love Cheesy Poos 1982 I Hope That Smell's Not You 2002
Song From the Pink Oboe 1992 Mullet Time 2015
The band's sophomore release, Pink Oboe is hailed as a fan favorite with a large cult following in Japan.

Death of a Drummer[edit]

Many fans were disturbingly shocked when they heard the tragic news ... The cause of death was ...

Death of Another Drummer[edit]

...met his untimely demise when he fell off of the stage and onto a woman that was breastfeeding in the audience, killing both the drummer and woman instantly. Luckily, the baby is expected to live.

...And Another[edit]

...requested that his gravestone had the text, "Buy Our New Album: We Need Money, In Stores Now!" engraved on it.

WLCP Drummers Cursed?[edit]

While the death of ..., ... and ... shocked the entire band, they believed that touring was still possible, and launched the 2014 Sans Drums tour. The tour began in August 2014, and by...

The Art of Ordering Omelettes was panned by Rolling Stone Magazine as being "...trite sounding with contrived lyrics."

Band Members[edit]

  • Cruz Dickofson - Lead Vocals
  • Mick "Not That One" Jagger - Backup Vocals (1982-1989)
  • Honore De Balzac Jr. - Bass, Keyboards
  • "Wedge" - Lead Guitar
  • Nigel Dickofson - Head Flautist
  • Ted Danson - Backup Dancer
Drummer Years Drummer Years
... 1982-1990 ... 1998-2006
... 1990-1998 ... 2006-2014

Where Are They Now?[edit]

Steamy News from Loudwire:[edit]

WLCP will be performing "Mullet Time" off of their latest album, "We Need Money," live next Tuesday during the Empty V Awards ...

An Excerpt From Big Hunky Jewish Men Monthly:[edit]

"It started as a normal day for Hans, the 78 year old pro-choice Republican, who was watching the new Sailor Moon episode at his local Elk's Lodge, when he saw an advertisement for the greatest band ever: Who Love Cheesy Poos. He had just finished pleasuring himself to the Anticipa... album, which his grandson had downloaded from Limewire earlier that morning, and was now anticipa... the upcoming tour."

Band Comment[edit]

LISTEN YOU LITTLE SHITS,

We are not ".. IN OUR WANING STAGE," or "JUST ANOTHER D-LIST BAND COPYING PANTERA," so all you salad-tossing asshats can go back to MySpace and masturbate to Miley Cyrus.

Outie 3000 bitches,

Cruz Dickofson


P.S.: Tell your wife I said hi!

Related Bands[edit]