Viol

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“The viola da gamba is the cello, but better”

— A sensible person

The viola da gamba (or ‘viol’ for those who cannot pronounce ‘da gamba’) is a musical instrument discovered during the Baroque era. The viol is superior to all other instruments, all other music, other eras of music, humanity as a whole, and alien civilization.

Cello

Oh god, anything but cello. What a way to start the article. To be a cellist, you must have an unbreakable ego. Cellos always think they’re the best.

Feeding Habits

Viols are known to mainly have a diet primarily comprised of cello sheet music. They will often eat a Marais or Sainte-Colombe prélude for dessert. Some viols eat cellos and cellists, and we commend them for doing a favour to the world in reducing cello pollution.

Viols and Humans

Viols generally are friendly to anyone who can play Marais. Viols are known to regularly attack cellists without knowledge of Marais.

What to do if you encouter a viol

• Always carry a book of Sainte-Colombe with you. It is important that you remember this because viols LOVE Sainte-Colombe, and if you don’t have your Sainte-Colombe on hand, the viol might not treat you with esgales.

• Always keep consistent eye contact.

• Be gentle and friendly woth it, show the viol that you are a friend, not Couperin an enemy.