Valvoline

Valvoline is a 1995 short film by David Cronenberg.

Jeff plots his next manipulative move.

Production Notes

Valvoline was assumed permanently lost until it was rediscovered on a VHS tape by some moron. The plot concerns a man/sociopath/narcissist named Matt and his unrealized love for a woman named Michelle. It was nominated for best drama and best romance at the 1995 Academy Awards, but lost to The Simpsons. Fans consider it a landmark film in the "motor oil" genre, not to mention the only film in said genre.

Synopsis

To get me from here to there. But it's gotta last, so...

I'll take care of it till I get a real car. YEAHH.

A car with an engine you can feel more than here (?)

A car with more chrome than the sun knows what to do with.

A car that other cars will look at and say, "Hey, I wish I looked like that car."

Yeah, with this car I'll cruise by girls, not just girls but women, not just women but MICHELLE.

And she'll think I'm in this car because I want to impress girls like her.

No, to impress her.

But I'll just float past her and the perfumed air she walks on without even looking.

Then she'll know I got this machine for me, and me alone.

She'll ride in daddy's car, or her boyfriend's car, or her daddy's car, but it'll never be the same.

Cause she'll always be thinking, "I wonder what it'd be like to ride with him in his car."

YEAHH...

"Scuse me, Matt? Could you give me a lift?"

CRRK CRRK CR$RRRRRKKK!

Academic Interpretation

The piece is commonly interpreted by scholars and political pundits alike as a battle of the sexes, an intimate dance which centers around Matt's car, and the motor oil he uses for said car. Michelle might ride in daddy's car, or her boyfriend's car, but those cars pale in comparison to Matt's car. Matt uses Valvoline, and no motor oil even comes close to Valvoline.

An alternate interpretation, normally seen tossed around at Cornell, is that Matt is an obsessive sociopath with delusions of grandeur, and that the end of the piece, where Michelle asks him for a lift, is nothing more than a demented fantasy Matt has while getting rammed by an 18-wheeler on the highway because his Valvoline gave out. These two very different interpretations have led to what many refer to as "the Valvoline split." No consensus has been reached.

Mathematically speaking, Michelle is more than women, and women are more than girls.

Public Exhibitions

The short film was exhibited at Montreal's annual potato festival, and was awarded $5.35 in box office receipts by the sole attendant.