User talk:Oldfarts

Welcome!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Why do I need to provide this welcome message? Oh, because you're a new editor/noob/newbie here and no other fool friendly person has welcomed you yet.

So Hello, Oldfarts, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, that's the toilet. A little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care to see articles about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. Seriously. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Oldfarts/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out. I signed up, and they haven't killed me yet!

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and gosh was it cool (but sorry, I'm too new to be adopting). Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome!  King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:04, October 8, 2009 (UTC)