User talk:Lars863/Benelux

Archive 1: When Benelux was still a disambiguation page

From Pee Review

Hey Lars, stuff like pee review usually goes on the talk page.=)

Humour:	2	Seeing as how I don't know much about European politics, I had to look this up on Wikipedia to actually read the article. Now that i've finished it, I ask you: where is the parody? I suppose a select few people in one of those 3 countries might get some of these jokes, but you have to keep in mind that Uncyclopedia is an international website. What I recommend is making your article appeal to a larger group of people, as well as eliminate some of the facts and dates in there - remember that Uncyclopedia is an anti-encyclopedia.
Concept:	4	European politics are usually a good subject for parody, however, this fails for two reasons: first, you do not really put any punchlines in the article, and saying the exact opposite of reality isn't funny (see HTBFANJS). Second, as stated above, too many people simply will not get it.
Prose and formatting:	3.5	You have several formatting issues. Your second sentence in your opening paragraph forgets to put a comma in "it's", and in the middle of the article, you start to get listy. Very few lists are funny, you get very redundant with "Who" at the beginning of each of your bullets. I recommend you change them into paragraphs. This way, the execution looks smoother, it's easier to look at, and your punchlines will come easier when they are together as opposed to listed.
Images:	0	There aren't any. Every good article needs some images.
Miscellaneous:	2.5	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	12	You're in the red zone right now. Here's a basic breakdown: Your article does not appeal to enough people to actually be funny (many of us live in the US and UK) and it sounds pretty much random with a little anti-Belgian bashing. But, with some hard work, you can fix it up! First of, I recommend getting some images. An article is simply incomplete without images. Google "Benelux" and see what kind of hits you get, maybe use photoshop on them. Second, get rid of the lists in the "Outer Circle", "Inner Circle", and "Core" sections, and make them into paragraphs-they will look better, and might even get some chuckles. If you plan on making this a long term project, move this article to User:Lars863/Benelux. In userspace, you will have all the time you need to work on making a good article, as opposed to having it deleted in a week on mainspace. Keep at it- it has some potential, all you have to do is work on it some more. Good Luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 21:28, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I wanted to keep it on so that I could look at it whilst editing, but never mind. | Lars863 18:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)