User talk:Bdunc013
Kevin Gaquin
Kevin is a 37 Virgo pedafile last spotted in the upper east side of Washington D.C. in June of 1998. It is unknown whether or not he is still alive.
Kevin first came to relavance after being the first person to use a pogo stick as a means of transportation to the moon. Kevin attended Beaver College in Pennsylvania for six years in the mid 1990s as he studied to become a middle school teacher. He most likely would have finished school a lot faster were he not an idiot, nor a qualified alcoholic since the age of 7, where he started drinking to cope with the untimely death of his pet rabbit, Mr. Snuffles.
After college Kevin would land a teaching job at Saint Patrick Catholic School in Norfolk, VA. It was during this time that Kevin discovered his true calling in life, pleasing children. Kevin felt that his job was the most rewarding occupation in the world, thus he strived to be involved in all activites possible to help further the education of the students. He did everything from tutoring in math, coaching the cricket team, directing the band and annual musical, and serving lunch.
Kevin had a great life, until one day Kevin found out about a student of his, Pedro, that did not have a green card, nor a pair of legs. Kevin reported this to the Priest and headmasters of the school. Pedro was ousted from the school and vowed to get revenge on the beloved school teacher.
One day when Kevin was serving lunch, French Fried Frogs Friday, Pedro snuk into the kitchen and poised the batch of french frien frogs that Kevin had prepared for the students. Upon the death of 16 students Kevin was held responsilbe and dismissed from the school.
Kevin was so distraught that he was unable to teach ever again that he began taking a spin class at a local gym. He got into great shape then decided to set the world record for most consecutive pogo stick bounces on the second Tuesday of May while eating an ice cream cone in his right hand and listening to Lady Gaga. After setting the obsecure record, he was so happy he bounced to the moon, LITERALLY! It was upon this event that Kevin gained media attention.
Kevin was once again beloved by people, until a young report for the Salsa Sentinel named Pedro, wrote a piece about Kevin Gaquin entitled "Kevin Gaquin." The story included every major event of Kevin's life from birth to learning how to riding a bike to his first ballet recital. However, Pedro also included a black spot on Kevin's record, the day he was responsilbe for the deaths of those middle school students at Saint Patrick Catholic School.
After finding out the story was all true, the people of the town of Intercourse, PA formed a mob to seek out Kevin, the murderer. The only people who sided with him were middle schoolers. After another investigation it was discovered that Kevin had in fact raped these young boys and girls at his days of teaching. He'd have a "special" lesson with the studnets, drug them with a Roofie in a cup of the holy wine, then have his way with them.
Kevin immediately fled the country after these allegations and arrived in Cameroon in 1998. There he could live in the peace wiht his "brothers" until one day a weary traveler named Peter uncovered the dark past of Kevin Gaquin. Once again Kevin was ousted from a community and forced to serve jail time for his wrong doings in Arkham Asylum in Gotham City, New Hampshire. Here is where Kevin would rot and die, all because of a boy wiht no green card and no legs.
Kevin is considered one of today's tragic heroes. His life was cut short by a handicapped boy with a Mexican name. Long live Kevin Gaquin, the first, and may he never come near Disney world again.