User:Zim ulator/HowTo play the pan flute

Hot to play the pan flute.

The pan flute is an ancient musical instrument, most closely related to bagpipes and the French horn. They were originally used by Celtic druids to summon poltergeists, and were adapted by the conquering Romans in Britain for urban life by integrating them into common plumbing systems. By harnessing the flow capacity of the aqueduct, Roman cities were able to assemble entire orchestras of pan flutes, with players numbering in the hundreds.

Why?

Snooty people are easily impressed by old, obscure things and worthless talents. You can impress prospective marks and friends by building and playing your own pan flute. It makes a good conversation starter.

Materials

1. One to six quadrupedal mammals of a mass of 20 kilograms of less
2. One Western-style toilet
3. One pan flute player
4. A ten meter length of plumbing snake
5. Some musical ability
6. 8mm. 10mm. 12mm. hexagonal bolts, 24 each
7. 8mm. 10mm. 12mm. lock washers, 24 each
8. One tube sex lube
9. One meter length of 20mm. specialty gardening hose
10. One lynx bladder

You will need:

1. One 8mm. open-ended wrench
2. One 10mm. open ended wrench
3. One 12 mm. open ended wrench
4. Musical ability
5. Matches

Illustration numbers

10. Mouthpiece grip

11. Sonic projectory bell

12. Western-style toilet

13. Connectory

14. Kitten mid-spine

15. Harmonic refraction surface

16. Reeded mouthpiece

19. Aquarium tubing

20. Hosebag

21. Kitten upper spine

25. Flatulator

26. Kitten lower spine

27. Medium sized kitten