User:Vortical/National Sith Party
The National Sith Party ( more formally known as Exterminaters of Worthless and Obnoxious Knights or EWOKs)is a group of disgruntled independent politicians who have bannded together for the purpose of spreading the sith message of the joys of unbridled anger.
Origins[edit | edit source]
The NSP was formed in early 1971 by Emporer Liberman, and his apprentice, Darth Nader. Other disgruntled politician and buearocrats from both sidea of the political spectrum soon flocked to the cause.
Activity[edit | edit source]
The Primary goal of the NSP is to spread their message by getting their members elected in important political postions, especially in the US. In true evil villan fashion, rather than simply using the force to enslave his opponents or kill them, Leiberman has worked for years on an elaborate scheme of political intrigue. After realizing sometime in the early 1970's that simply running for office was inneffective, Lieberman began replacing key politicians with specially designed life-like Muppets from the top secret Henson Black Ops lab. The first attempt, called the Fairly Obvious Replica Dummy or F.O.R.D. was a complete disaster. Technological limitations prevented the FORD model from possesing anything more than the most basic verbal and motor skills. As a result even the smallest unexpected change in direction would cause it to overload and collapse. It is estimated that the FORD had to be replaced or repaired at least 30 times during its term in office.
After the disaster of the FORD, Lieberman decided that the Presidency would have to wait. He returned to his macheavellian tinkering while he waited for Technology to catch up to his grand ambitions. In 1992, the Ford 2.0 was finally ready. In addition to enhanced motor skills, the upgraded model also featured emotion software in the hopes of improving its persuasive ability. Nicknamed the CLINTON (the reason for this is still unknown), the new and improved model was initially a huge sucess. However, to their horror, the Sith soon realized that Microsoft's "Windows to the Soul" AI emotion controll software contained some serious bugs. In an attempt to improve realism, the designers had included a libido package in the male version, which apparently spun out of control when deprived of regular stimuli.
The CLINTON became ensnared in a series of sexual scandels and was nearly removed from office. By the time the 2000 election arrived, Lieberman decided to scrap the Muppet program. For good measure, he had all the lead designers eaten by grues, and the production facility turned into an institution for the criminally inartistic.
For the 2000 election, Lieberman decided to find a politician who was weak minded enough to be controlled, even from a distance. Using his connections in the republican party, he contacted George Bush for help. It just so happened that Bush had a son who was currently serving a community service sentence by being the governor of Texas. Unfortunately, years of drug and alcohol abuse had addled the younger Bush's brain and he now believed he was an actual Texan. His garbled speech and party animal past made George W nearly unelectable, but with time running out, Lieberman decided that beggars can't be choosers.
To offset the glaring flaws of thier bumbling candidate, The emporer concocted a brilliant strategy. Posing as a left wing, environmental lunatic, his loyal apprentice Darth Nader assumed the new identity of Ralph Nader and entered the election as an independant candidate. Unfortunately, Nader was only partially able to conceal his half cyborg nature, and the end result was a man who looked like a melting dead fish. Given the choice between and environmental extermist who enjoys dolphin free tuna, and an environmental extermist who looks like a dolphin free tuna, voters resoundingly made the less creepy choice. Mr. Gore might very well have won, if not for one remarkable piece of good fortune.
Just 2 months before the election, Jeff Foxworthy launched his new TV show, simply titled "Blue Collar TV". The show was an instant sucess across every age group and demographic. While it is not clear whether voters actually believed that Bush WAS Larry the Cable Guy, or whether they tought that his candidacy was some kind of promation for the show, Bush's popularity skyrocketed. In just a few weeks he went from ratings of -5% to nearly 42%. The jump was just enough to push him past Al Gore, who at the time was distracted by Nader's cliams that Gore was costing him the election.
Party Leadership[edit | edit source]
==Emporer Lieberman== Lieberman is a direct descendant of Palpatine clone #4253Aq7-Bv. Continuing his great^23 grandfather's legacy of evil and hatred, he has devoted his life to exterminating the jedi through complex and overly elaboarate schemes.
==Darth Nader== Lieberman's loyal apprentice and henchman. As a child, Nader was burned over 90% of his body when his family's 1962 Ford Pinto suddenly burst into flames after being rear ended by a drunken bicycle delivery boy. To keep him alive, doctors placed the young Nader into an experimental life support suit. As a joke, one of the technicians taped a microphone inside the resiprator, causing every breath to sound like Howard Taft running a marathon.
After he was released from the hospital, Nader devoted his life to improving safety standards in American automobiles. He proposed such radical ideas as the 'seat belt', a strap of material that would pervent hapless passegers from getting "up close and personal" with their windshields during a crash. This campaigning led him to a number of political demonstrations. During one such rally, protesting the release of the new film "American Grafitti" Nader met the film's director, George Lucas. Lucas was terrified by Nader and would later use him as the basis for the villian of a historical documentary called Star Wars.
==Moff Clarkin== One of the few members of the NSP with no actuall force sensitivity, Moff Clarkin is best know for his brilliant millitary strategery. Contrary to popular belief, the term strategery was not a mangled Bushism, but rather the actual name for Clarkin's brilliant brand of millitary tactics. It is tought that Bush overheard the term during a dinner party and decided it sounded 'snazzy'.
==Count Orrin Hatch== While his powers are rumorde to rival even those of the emporer, Hatch is usually found undercover, infiltrating the various political parties and feeding intelligence to the sith leadership. He is currently undercover as a republican senator.