User:Truetruths
General William Tecumseh Sherman[edit | edit source]
Childhood
General William Tecumseh Sherman was born December 25th 0 AD, was the fraternal brother of Jesus Christ. During the birth, Mary un-knowingly birthed two children, one, the son of god, and the other, the spawn of satan. Frustrated by the two sons, none of which were his, Joseph stormed off with Sherman, not before calling Mary a cancorous whore.
Sherman would later feast upon Jospeh's body, having killed him at the age of 6 months, already possesing the ability to walk for 5 of those months. Now wandering alone, he befriended a pack of wolves, where he was raised, beaten unmercifully as a child and taught to kill in cold blood for survival, or in his case, sheer pleasure. Sherman had raided his first village at the age of 5 and a half, killing 12 of the 13 people there, wounding the other, so they may spread the horror stories of the devil-child.
Sherman, having been satisfied, both physically and sexually, burried himself 20 feet below the earth's crust, only rising to spread death and destruction. He is credited for spreading plague throughout Europe, and causing every holy war to date.
Awakening
Eli Whitney was responsible for his rising when the endustrial revolution's "bang" rattled him awake, created from the cotton gin. Sherman arose in a hellish inferno, and layed waste to everyone within the town of Malvern and swallowing a lit torch, never having to light anything ever again (he was known to be able to finish a cigar in under 3 seconds without even lighting it).
The sheer smell of gun powder calling to his every sense drew him to enlist in the army, where he quickly devoured higher ranked officers, then taking their clothes to pass-off as aformentioned officers. His thirst for gore made him one of the most ballsiest generals of the civil war, thus creating the new genre of combat known as "blitzkrieg" (translated: the devil's fight).
Disappearence
Satan, becoming increasingly paranoid of Sherman's growing power, enlisted the help of Zanthor, the dark wizard (Merlin's bastard son). Zanthor banished him to the fifth dimension, so Sherman could never terrorize the world again...so they thought. Sherman has been seen as the conscience of mayny famouse people from Ike Turner to Ted Bundy, and is still believed to be caught somewhere withing the fat flaps of Michael Moore.
Offspring
Although Sherman never mated with another human being without killing him or her due to his hellish genitals, and brutal tecnique, he was believed to have a child. Sherman birthed his child, himself, around the time of his banishment, and hid him away, assuring his proggression of death and destruction after his physical being no longer existed. At the time, his name was Accrosa Sherman (translated:Sodomy of the innocent). This child would later be found by a rogue group of hippies deep in the Rockies, where he was raised for good and named Chuck Norris.
--Truetruths 16:56, 11 May 2009 (UTC)