User:Triddle/Suckometer

The suckometer was a prototype device designed and built by INRIA to detect boson emissions which have been linked with stupid people, stupid situations, and anywhere that stupidity is present. The device is similar in use to a geiger counter but uses a different sensing tube to measure the bosons. The only suckometer ever constructed was capable of measuring from 0 to 10 megariddles of boson emission per minute. During the only test ever of a suckometer the device was turned on and President Barack Obama was brought within 5 feet of the device; the meter instantly pegged out at the maximum reading. It was unknown if the boson emissions were actually from President Obama or if they were left overs from his brief coffee break in the U.S. Senate, or another source (ie exposure to the southside of Chicago, Bill Ayres, or Harvard).

Unfortunately the boson emissions from President Obama overwhelmed the device which began malfunctioning. The device began picking up the boson emissions coming from itself, which in turn became an even more stupid situation, leading to more boson emission, making the situation worse in a horrific cycle. Within seconds the suckometer started to smoke, then started glowing white hot, and eventually disappeared in the only known quantum suckularity generated by man. Fortunately Barack Obama was not harmed during this test and has returned to the United States to organize work on the sucktomic bomb. This just left a body in a suspicious puddle of warm milk. Warm, dancing milk.