User:Thehammantf/sandbox

The Ham Man

The Ham Man is the chosen champion of Planet Hammonia, a planet in the uhh something something something or other idfk system. About 20 billion years old (6 quadrillion counting the cross-world events) The Ham Man has been the greatest champion of Planet Hammonia of all time, according to Ham weekly issues 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, and 80. His greatest foes are the beef man, the army of beefonia, and the beeflings.

Many-a-times he has worked with Arkire on cross-universe missions, however for some reason Arkire always loves to contact me RIGHT WHEN THE UNIVERSE BEGINS SO THAT I HAVE TO STAY THERE FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING BILLIONS OF YEARS THAT WE WAIT FOR MACUR. FUCK YOU ARKIRE I'M TIRED OF IT.

Where was I? Oh, right.

Also I- I mean The Ham man has defeated Macur multiple times alone, so many times that we can no longer count them.

Notable moments in The Ham Man's history are:

In 1868, The Ham Man took a class on how to demolish and rebuild people's walls in less than a minute without them ever noticing, also known as wall stealth-demolition and rebuilding. This class was taught by the great-grandfather of the man who invented Mountain Dew, Proavus Ros Montanus. In 1870, during his graduation speech from wall stealth-demolition and rebuilding class, Proavus suffered a heart attack and died shortly after. Due to the lack of knowledge of medicine in 1870, they called an exorcist to cleanse his body of evil spirits. During the exorcism, Proavus said his final words: "Let it be a mountain of which the people of this world get their due."

In 2025, The Ham man was summoned by a group of rag-tag adventurers to save a man named Max from an evil monster guy. During the battle, The Ham Man was eaten by a mountain. To escape from being consumed by the mountain, The Ham Man utilized a can of baked beans combined with a rotted ham to create a mountain-exploder-bomb can.

In 1704, The Ham man took a trip to Planet Gulch, where he met Walter Gulch Jr. This meeting soon turned into a large battle between Hammonia and Gulch