User:The atomic lumberjack/EVIL-5 Hippo
The Evil-5 Hippo Tank/Rocket-Launcher/microwave oven is the fifth installation of spaghetti-grade weaponry developed for the purpose of killing, maming, and cooking by Wisconsin-renowned jewish nuke-ya-ler fizzicks professor Dr. Albert Feinstien. Equipped with thick, heavy armor plating (derived from a chemical form of baloney), a heavy, like freaking huge-ass spud-cannon, heat-seeking anti-emo rockets, emo-seeking anti-heat rockets, and a diesel-powered hewlett-packard-scissors-shoot(!) microwave oven (which coincidentally produces heat when cooking up a batch of emo kids, which led to the weapon's ultimate demise)
- Please note, also that the Pirate-Ninja Assembly of God is the only military installation capable of deploying the weapon's fearsome power. They also figured out how to set the clock on the l.e.d. display of the microwave.
The original purpose of the weapon, while many mistakenly assume to be the annihalation of the pork-eyed bunyan-scraping mole pancakes from the planet of the gum people, was for use in the Cobainian Wars of Parallel Earth 4.
History of the Cobainian Wars The Cobainian Wars are the series of conflict ignited by the burst of shitty music in the 8000th century B.C. That's like 10 B.Ch. (ten years before the birth of Cher)These battles have largely been stricken from the recorded history of the Earth, as well as all of the episodes of Schoolhouse Rock. On one side, Grand General of the Earth's Lumberjack Battalion, Paulfus Bunyan leading his group of flannel-clad warriors with beards of steel wool. On the other, the cunt-waffle Kurtius Cobainus and his Nirvonians. Behind him the Third Fuck-tard militia took up arms, but the arms they took up happened to be their own, as their appendages were severed before they could even start chanting their shitty pop-grunge anthems. Fortunately, the Nirvonians were defeated so quickly the E5H never saw combat, therefore never self-combusted.