User:The Prophet Jordan Walsh

The Prophet Jordan Walsh

The Prophet Jordan Walsh (Born Jordan Michael Walsh) was born on the Eleventh of April, 1991 AD. He was born in a hospital, interesting enough. In the eleven years that followed, his life would be one of pain and misery.

The Early Years

When Jordan was two his parents got divorced, his mom, Kimberly, moved to florida with him. She took all of her husband's possesions that the court had granted her (pretty much everything). The years two through five are undocumented, unfortunately, so I will skip on to year five of Jordan's life.

By now his mom was deep in drink and cannabis, and it was not the most suitable environment for a child. His half-brother had just been born and his mom rarely got off her buttocks to do anything but change the diapers, and even that she did rarely. Jordan was stuck to cook and fend for himself and his brother. He had learned how to prepare the formula and how to change diapers by age six. He alone potty-trained his little brother, which, every parent knows is a daunting task. He had been reading for three years now, and little did he know that the next book he picks up will change his life forever:

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King

He was entranced by it,though with his current reading ability it took him a while to finish the book, at the end of it he had a seventh grade reading level. He then picked up 'The Stand and continued reading it. For the next couple of years he would do nothing for entertainment but read and listen to music.

He was far more intelligent than the other boys at his age, but still fit in with the cool kids. He slowly realized that they were not cool, and making fun of others did not make them a better person. He moved away from negative influences like MTV and the CMA (Conforming Masses of America). He became an individual, something that is deeply frowned upon in todays culture, and started to think for himself.

Many years (and stepfathers) later,

<<WILL ADD LATER>>

well, anyways, his father got custody. He became deeply upset and was infected with the Emo virus, a terrible disease which increases the production of Estrogen and leading to the growth of ovaries, uterus, and eventually a vagina. His life was now "a black abyss" and "no one understood" him. This was actually mostly true, but he didn't have to be such a whiny bitch (which is really what being emo is all about) about it. He eventually realized his position and knew he had no choice but to find a cure. He ran away and traveled long and far to find the cure, which he eventually found on the planet A'p Sag'areth . No one knows what this cure is, as it was given to him by a Sag'arethian medicine whore (Yes, Medicine WHORE). The emo was so powerful, though, that his ovaries and uterus (he hadn't grown a vagina yet, though) formed a new being, now known as the AntiWalsh. The AntiWalsh is an evil emo being that has plus ten PMS skills, capable of destroying whole towns in torrents of vaginal...ehm, "stuff".

Jordan left in search of this being in hopes of finding her/him before too many towns fell to the torrents of menstrual fluids.

The AntiWalsh