User:TheLastBob/UnBooks:Fear and Loathing in Uncyclopedia
CHAPTER 1[edit | edit source]
We were somewhere around Google, along the edge of Wikipedia, when the hacks began to take hold. My noob and I were cruising towards Uncyclopedia, Nevada, around the speed of 20MB per second. Our torrent supported multiple hash scrapes, and we weren't nearly out of download speed. In the trunk, we had 14 noclip hackz, 2 god mode cheats, 3 sheets of Trojans, a case of Spyware, and a whole Console full of "sv_cheats 1." The internet air whooshing past us nearly knocked off my level 10 helmet, with plus 4 HP. I recall all around us, there were pop ups and internet scams. I saw my noob friend, who had currently gotten into some of the Spyware, try to reach out with his cursor and win a free Ipod. I swerved the torrent to the other side of the road, and his outstretched arm flung back in the car and he yelled. I could see that an internet predator had bitten his hand, and he grasped it tight within his other palm.
"God damnit," I said, "what the hell were you thinking?" He started to laugh, but it seemed to be from somewhere very far away... I could see him sitting on a folding chair in the middle of a desert where police and terrorists were currently battling it out for a bunch of green crates. Suddenly, the torrent rocked back and forth, and flying in spasmatic patterns all around it were what seemed to be thousands of raptors with claws all clutching the balding head of Bill O'Reilly, who was telling them he'd cut their mike if they didn't express the proper point of view. Hundreds of randomly echoing "SHUTUP!!'s" bounced back and forth against the walls. I realized, at that instant, we had driven into some kind of tunnel. All along the walls was the infinite wisdom and all the answers, as starving old men clung to shoddily made scaffolds that hung from the dimly lit hall.
I shouted to my chum, who had now sprawled out in the back of the torrent, "Do you see this? Quickly! Absorb all this into your brain before you forget it!" He didn't reply, and I glanced back over the seat, and saw he was completely passed out, and the carton of Trojans. I only hoped that we arrived at Uncyclopedia before he woke up and started seeing things...