User:TheGenderBender/The Secret Life of Hobos

“I'm not a stabbin' hobo. I'm a singin' hobo.”

~ That hobo on the train from the Simpsons

“There is toos manies hoboses in America, lets bum, sorry, I means bomb them with nuculer wepuns!”

~ George W. Bush

Look, a rich hobo. Bet that bag's full of drugs.

I used to be a hobo and I would like to reveal to you the secret behind the hobo world.

For many years people have thought that hobos were people with no homes, money and most were mildly retarded because they couldn't even get welfare. Hobos are actually secretly rich drug lords, they just don't like paying bills....

Where they live

Although they appear to live in cardboard boxes or under sheets of tarpaulin this is only the front door. If you ventured into a hobos cardboard box you would find a large metal door with a keypad wired to it. No one has ever found this before because they stink like shit. Behind this metal door is a giant underground mansion with laser security systems and marble floors. Deep in these mansions there would usually be a warehouse with hydroponic systems growing cannabis and other plants needed to manufacture drugs.

Some hobos also keep many exotic animals in an underground warehouse, hobos are very forgetful though so they forget to feed them or put them in cages. When they return to see their animals they have all been eaten and in some cases the hobo has been eaten by the animal that ate the rest.

Their Riches

Steel hobo doors.

Most hobo mansions contain a secret underground airbase. There is a secret exit for the planes to take off out of which is usually located in a remote location usually a desert island, the desert or in the middle of the ocean. These planes are used to transport thousands of kilograms of drugs all over the world. Some hobos have guards who are hired to guard the drugs and have taken a blood oath to secrecy, if they ever let the secret get out they would be hunted down and shot.

The Hobo Military

The hobos also run a secret army that are responsible for most terrorist attacks, that's right in case you didn't notice Osama bin Laden is a hobo. He is the general of the entire hobo army.