User:Taiwan/JR Group Scandals
“If you think railway accidents are bad, wait until you hear what HR has been hiding.”
This sacred timeline documents every known (and several unknown) disasters, embarrassments, eldritch summonings, and managerial oopsies committed by the Seven Confused Dwarves. Most were covered up faster than a timetable revision.
1923 – The Great Bento Fraud[edit | edit source]
JNR (pre-JR) is accused of selling “premium Ekiben” that actually contain:
- Rice
- One (1) sardine
- A note that says “Sorry”
Passengers riot by politely writing complaint letters.
1957 – The Punctuality Rebellion[edit | edit source]
A conductor is fired for arriving on time instead of arriving early, which “violates the spirit of Japanese efficiency.”
The union strikes for 13 minutes, the most violent display of labor unrest in Japanese history.
1979 – The Disappearing Budget Incident[edit | edit source]
JNR loses track of ¥400 billion.
The financial report simply says:
“We put it down somewhere.”
The government considers exorcism.
1987 – The Privatization Hangover[edit | edit source]
One week after the JR breakup, JR Freight accidentally bills JR West for “cosmic rail usage fees,” explaining that freight tracks “exist slightly outside of reality.”
JR West pays anyway because they’re too polite to argue.
1993 – The JR Hokkaido Glacier Scandal[edit | edit source]
JR Hokkaido attempts to prove it can maintain profitability by announcing a bold new plan:
“We will turn the snow itself into a revenue stream.”
They unveil a train made entirely of compacted ice.
It melts during the launch ceremony.
1999 – JR East’s Mascot Uprising[edit | edit source]
JR East releases 67 mascots in a single year.
One becomes sentient.
The sentient mascot attempts a coup at Tokyo Station, demands a seat on the board, and negotiates a pension plan.
The event is quietly erased from company history.
2003 – JR Central Announces the Maglev Too Early[edit | edit source]
JR Central’s CEO says the Maglev will open in 2015.
Shizuoka Prefecture collectively replies: “No.”
The line is delayed indefinitely. JR Central enters its Tsundere Years.
2007 – JR West Apologizes for Something It Didn’t Do[edit | edit source]
JR West mistakenly issues a public apology for:
- A typhoon
- A misprint in a manga
- The extinction of the dodo
- And a customer’s breakup
The public forgives them.
2011 – JR Kyushu Accidentally Becomes a Hotel Chain[edit | edit source]
A clerical error causes JR Kyushu to register as:
“Kyushu Luxury Hospitality Incorporated”
Instead of dissolving it, they accept the change and build 14 more hotels.
The rail division has to request budget from the hotel division.
2014 – JR Shikoku’s ‘Customer Count’ Scandal[edit | edit source]
JR Shikoku proudly announces they “served 20 million riders last year.”
An audit reveals half of these were ghosts counted by mistake due to “drafts triggering the sensors.”
JR Shikoku apologizes and offers the ghosts discounted fares.
2018 – JR Freight Transporting Cursed Cargo[edit | edit source]
A whistleblower reveals that JR Freight transported a container labeled:
“ABSOLUTELY DO NOT OPEN – Not an Eldritch Entity”
The container falls off a train near Niigata.
Several fishermen report seeing “a creature made of darkness.”
JR Freight claims this is “normal.”
2020 – JR East’s Suica Penguin Scandal[edit | edit source]
The Suica penguin resigns after a leaked document shows:
- He hasn’t tapped into a station in 12 years
- He used his card to buy 78,000 cans of mackerel
- He is legally considered a JR East vice-president
The mascot union goes on strike.
2021 – JR Central’s Maglev Cult[edit | edit source]
A group of JR Central employees is discovered holding nighttime rituals around the Maglev test track chanting:
“230 km/h is mid. Show us 500.”
JR Central denies that a “speed-based religion” exists.
A second, unrelated group is caught ritually sacrificing Shizuoka water bottles.
2022 – JR Hokkaido Accidentally Closes Itself[edit | edit source]
While updating the closure list for low-ridership lines, JR Hokkaido accidentally lists the entire company as “suspended due to insufficient demand.”
Nobody notices for two days.
2023 – JR West Apologizes for JR East’s Mistake[edit | edit source]
JR East has a minor timetable error.
JR West preemptively apologizes on their behalf.
JR East releases a statement saying,
“We weren’t even involved??”
JR Central demands to know why everyone is talking about something that isn’t the Shinkansen.
2025 – JR Shikoku Introduces the Goat Pass[edit | edit source]
To boost ridership, JR Shikoku launches a special ticket:
“Bring Your Goat Free”
Ridership goes up 600%.
Revenue goes up ¥40.
2030 – JR Freight Declares Independence[edit | edit source]
JR Freight announces that it is no longer a railway company but a “trans-dimensional cargo authority.”
The government shrugs because nobody understands its budget anyway.
2035 – The JR Family Therapy Session[edit | edit source]
After decades of stress, all seven JR companies attend mandatory counseling.
- JR East won't stop bragging
- JR Central won’t sit next to Hokkaido
- JR Freight phases through the chair
- JR Shikoku knits
- JR Kyushu tries to sell the therapist a hotel plan
- JR West apologizes for existing
The therapist has not been found since