User:StonedJeff/UnBooks:Moby Dick

Moby Dick, or The Gay Whalers

Moby Dick, penned by widely hated author of his time, Herman Melville, tells the terribly long story of the first known gay pedophile/schoolteacher, turned whaler and the relationship he builds with a necrophiliac cannibal from Kokomo (the same island the Beach Boys sang about, it is a little known secret the Love Doctor was in fact a satanist and cannibal). Throughout the novel hundreds of chapters on cetology (the study of whales) and don'tgiveacrapology (the study of me not caring about whales) are placed strategically throughout the novel to add extraneous information and confuse the reader to a degree where you no longer know why you are even reading this book.

Characters

-Ishanal- "(Some people)Call me, Maurice.", the famous opening line of the novel spoken by the narrator, Ishanal (Maurice being his favorite safety word to use during his sadomasichist activities). Ishanal teaches at a grammer school for boys only and one day while holding a boy at "detention" a concerned parent walked in upon the "lesson" Ishanal was teaching the boy. Needing to escape the town quickly, Ishanal went to the coast and decided to disguise himself as a whaler and go to sea for a few years until everything had quietted down back home.

-Queerquag- "Me kill-e you and fuck-e you organs.", a prince from the island of Kokomo, Queerquag left to learn Christian ways and hopefully learn some new positions to make his people's sex lives better. A pagan, Queerquag worships a disporportioned fertility idol, and Ishanal soon discovers how the idol has blessed Queerquag.

-Gayhab- "Thar she blows! A mighty load from the sperm whale!" The captain of the ship The Penisqoud, Gayhab is a weathered, rough, clinically insane transvestite on a mission to capture and kill the great white while that, during their first encounter, bit off Gayhab's brand new penis that he had saved up and worked for so many years. After the incident he strapped on a wooden peg-shlong and became hell bent on finding Moby Dick and reuturning the action.