User:Stereo Phile/David the Gnome
“Wait... he does WHAT to them?!”
David the Gnome, also known as "The Hippie Gnome" and/or "Larry" is a small gnomeish hobbity thing living in the forest just right past your peripheral vision. He can only be seen by holding a mirror to your ass and bending your spine in the direction he might be. Good luck with that.
Cartoon Fame[edit | edit source]
David had some cartoon show about him in the '80s once that portrayed him as a healing gnome that lived in the forest and helped woodland creatures with their woodland creature activities. Of course, an '80s cartoon can only show so much. Whereas on the show David would heal animals simply by touching them, the reality is that David heals animals by tickling their noses with a feather duster and squeezing vital delicious BAKED CHICKEN MOLECULES on them. These delicious BAKED CHICKEN MOLECULES deliver soothing chickeny feelings. The cartoon did pretty well, though, and most anyone you ask will remember it, especially if you mention David's mounted fox companion, Swift. Yeah. Mounted.
Swift, David's trustworthy fox, enjoyed living amongst the gnome-folken, for they fed him grain and barley, nursed him back when he suffered attack, and gave aid when ill (in body or spirit). His leg was caught in a bear trap, and David treated it with ointment and clean bandages. Although David never said it directly, he favored Swift over his own wife, Lisa. David would enjoy a 'swift' ride throughout the gnomen forest over a day at home laboring under Lisa's command, chopping wood until Paul Bunyan showed up for contest (David 23, Bunyan 908; gnomegrown cedar). There was never a moment when David the Gnome wasn't living in peace and connectedness with nature and fox.
Drug Usage[edit | edit source]
David looks for more of his "sweet medicine"
David likes to trip out routinely. What gnome doesn't? Problem is that when he trips he imagines goblins and wizards and fairy kings, birds that talk, fish that sing, orcs and flying eagles and tricerotops and bermuda pinecones and coconuts. His wife, Whoserwhat, is especially troubled by his repeated LSD binges, staying up all night and worrying about what's become of her "Bacon greaser", as she affectionately calls her bacon greaser. Plus she's concerned about David.
Hippie Gnome[edit | edit source]
David the gnome is a Hippie Gnome, which means that Frank Zappa hates him intensely. In fact, I bet Zappa hates all gnomes. Maybe.
Happy Days Connection[edit | edit source]
Some people believe that Richie Cunningham's dad is really David the Gnome in Super Form. It might be possible. Ask The Fonz.