User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/HowTo:Identify a Noob
| n00biness |
| Uncyclopedia n00bs |
| Other n00bs |
“I find a mirror is best”
Noob (bastard) n. - A Noob is a person who plays MMORPG's and any game online to piss off the people around them for no apparent reason. These idiots gather together to annoy, pester, and even destroy the very fabric of sanity in the gamers who play just for fun, interaction with smart people and to cement their lack of social skills.
Introduction[edit | edit source]
This article is to show the people who read it that they can be a noob, or have friends that are noobs. The best ways to find out are:
THEY ARE GAY![edit | edit source]
- What level are they
- What they say
- Where they gather
- What they kill
- How long they are online,
- If they use noob tubes,
- If they sound like a 5 year old
- And more...
These people, or "n00Bs", have a very deranged social life, a more deranged real life (if any), and a weak vocabulary. How weak? Read on to find out. I suggest continuing to read anyways because when you're done, you'll realize how stupid half these people really are. N00bs can also be a person who sucks ass at everything they attempt.
Chapter 1, The Origin of the Noob[edit | edit source]
The origin of the Noob comes from the word Newbie, which as you can see is someone you call who is new to such a game. This word was shortened like most other internet/gaming words for convenience to the word "NEWB" and later to the now known Noob. However some people say that the change from Newb to Noob was a misunderstanding over two people conversing.
Chapter 2, The Location in Which a Noob Lives[edit | edit source]
the n00b lives in a shit hole that he likes to call his grandma's crusty vagina. He crawls out every once in a while to see if any of his fellow n00bs are walking by.
Chapter 3, The Way of the Noob[edit | edit source]
The way of the noob is very short, and simple. All you need to do is piss off other people with a shitty vocabulary. Use 1337 speak, repeat yourself, and calling non-noobs noobs are but some examples in which you are the noob. The noob has their own language called 1337, which translates to 'leet' for the people who can't make letters from the numbers, and is an incorrect spelling of the word in the first place. In fact, the word is Elite, stupid idiot who made the word. Gosh.
The noob also uses a special feature called SPAM, the repitition of the same thing you heard a few fucking hours ago when it's better to say it in a public forum for the game. Also, spam is not very specific, only stating the name of the item, to 'msg' the person, and sometimes the price they want. This price is also usually inaccurate, being way too low or way too high if the person is selling. Be sure to find these people in wild areas that allow PKing and do rid them of their levels they don't deserve, as well as whatever you can salvage from their corpse, if anything remains.
Another thing they do is piss you off for doing something they maybe should NOT be doing, and then call YOU, yes, YOU, the noob. Do me a favor and sack these assholes. I don't care if they don't understand why, just do it, and maybe torture SLOOOOOOWWWWWWWWLYYYYYY...... get the pleasure from their arrogance... And then, if you succeed in torturing those morons, we could create a torture chamber and capture all n00bs and torture them forever!!! MWHAHAHAHA!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Sorry, I just really dread them. That kinda makes me a n00b too. Damnit.
And last, a noob uses cheat programs to make themselves progress faster, for bragging rights they don't deserve. These suckers don't usually realize though is that these hacking programs they have to download from sites which most likely put a spyware into the program to steal their account and rob them of their stuff they got from stupidity. If you are reading this, and make the programs to steal these people's accounts, I thank you for teaching them that cheating is very stupid in MMORPG's.
Chapter 5, How to be Like a Noob[edit | edit source]
Chapter 6, Reasons to kill the noobs[edit | edit source]
They're noobs. They do things that piss off the public in general, godmod or powerplay, cheat using programs that get their accounts hacked, kill people nearly ten times lower their level for items they can get from the weakest things in the game easily with no other benefits, and most importantly, WON'T SHUT UP!!! If there needs to be any other reason, or you have no reason, make one up and kill them anyways. They don't deserve to be on this world. If you are a noob, make your character commit at least one suicide or a few... Perhaps maybe more just to seem like you're a hero, when you're really not.
Chapter 7, Hunting Noobs[edit | edit source]
to hunt a n00b,:
- Immediately exclude Caelan Reid from the list because he is simply too awesome to be considered a noob.
- Unzip your zipper, it should already be unzipped, if you're a n00b.
- Laugh at n00bs whitey tighties.
- Scream in n00b caps lock "I'M HUNGRY BITCH!!1!!1!1!123!@!@!".
- Then, suck a fat chode the next morning just for fun and relaxation.
- Realize that that was actually sort of gay.
- Compare your awesomeness with their uncoolness, because your insecure.
- Drive on up to Ben's place. Nuff' said.
- Display a picture of Chuck Norris - exposure to Chuck will destroy all noobs.
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
I am a n00b