User:Slutboi/Article about stuff

Etc was born out of the womb of Disco Shanti, a beer guzzling tax evading high priestess of the temple of the navel along with an autistic three legged chair, an autographed copy of Lady Chatterley’s lover, a large bucket and a Spanish dance instructor called Sancho in the tiny fishing village of RobertspellingB, whose people worshipped Cher and liked to call themselves the People of the Tight Boxer Syndrome. ETC was accidentally conceived as the result of an experiment conducted by The Scrabble Death Cult to test the emotional responses of Middle-aged Korean women to songs by Phil Collins . Although information about ETC’s father was never made public or published in the Special Annual 90pg issue of The Adventures Of Geniusboi Sanchez: Resident Crime Fighter Slash Paper Boy Extraordinaire..there are some who believe that ETC was fathered by the Big Red Brain Syndicate, which consists of the brains of all the great historical communist figures of the world kept alive in jars of Tabasco sauce. Others believe that the Big Red Brain Syndicate was fathered by ETC. It is also believed that ETC is Racer X, the only surviving member of the famous 1950’s psychedelic polka band Genghis Khan And The Fatguy Scooter Mafia.

During its adolescence, ETC famously slayed the Loch Ness Monster in an epic battle that lasted a thousand and one years and forty five days. This battle was erased from history by The Thought Police who also as a joke brainwashed ETC into believing that it was a secret society called The Guild Of The Honorable Agoraphobic Giraffes, dedicated to saving the world from the dangers of too much flossing (death, temporary renal failure, failure to understand the concept of sharing and in extreme cases even dehydration).  ETC continued to believe it was The Guild Of The Honorable Agoraphobic Giraffes for about two centuries, until it learnt the ultimate universal truth that Van Gogh was an Autobot and attained enlightenment after being exposed to the teachings of Immanuel Kant. 

Now five thousand years later, ETC is an international organization that works towards world domination and promoting healthy dental habits among adolescents. Although it has been argued by Friedrich Nietzsche that ETC is dead, it has shown no signs of being existentionally challenged, in fact it has succeeded in infiltrating all of the major power structures of the world including the National Artisans Guild of Ireland and the Council of the Red Queen of Canada. The Head Administrator of the ETC goes by the name of G-Man. Although it is not known what the G stands for it is known that it does not stand for garlic, Greenwich meridian, Grand Canyon or god. ETC is effectively controlled by the Grid Of The Worshipful Bubble which is a group of 7 people who work under the leadership of The G-Man, whose identities have never been revealed. It is believed that they are the true descendants of the Indiana Jones. Some believe that they are extra terrestrials from the planet Goldwin. The most important ritual of the ETC is something they like to call “The Brainstorming” , where the 7 members of the Grid along with the G-man soak themselves in hot dog flavored water wearing shiny pointy toed black leather shoes. The ETC also strongly believes that the world is flat and believes that its old mascot Kazoom who fell off the edge of the world will soon come back reincarnated as an attractive telepathic young woman called The Dark Phoenix.