User:Skek114

His annoying ass grandma falling down a flight of stairs (HILARIOUS!!!)

History and Person

Tiger Woods praying before his matchup against henry (who the hell is henry)

The Golf-ball Man, also known as Sir John Fraser Calpaticus Obsolete Senior, the Fifth, is a man of many talents (and yeah, im not gonna elaborate on that). He is known for his impressive matchup against famous golf player Tiger Woods, in which he won 63 - 0 (idk who scored though).He also has a butt-ton of golf balls, i mean seriously, what else would you expect?

For a while, he had lived in Medieval England from 2003 - 07, before he moved in with his grandma in Connecticut, America (no idea what city tho, nor what year). He now resides in the south west, somewhere in the western place.

Legal Implications and Trials

Following his matchup against Tiger Woods, he was formally sued for emotional damages (by Tiger), in which his lawyers responded by ignoring the lawsuit. Wish it was that easy...

While found innocent, he was also put on trial for a series of large dominoes found scattered across a field in the North East, one of them even still standing. Don't ask me how, but he somehow got these charges added on (while they were eventually dismissed tho);

  - Arson
  - Disturbance of the peace
  - Assault
  - Arson (for the second time)
  - being a nuisance
  - 46,000x counts of property damage
  - 11x counts of assault on jason herbert
  - leaving the cat on the doorstep

Sir John Fraser Calpaticus Obsolete Senior, the Fifth responded to the lawsuits with the following;

"I dun done nun of that. I dun' why the're accusing me? and who is tiger????"  

~ Golf Ball Man (16 minutes before his lawsuit against tiger woods)

Reputation with the Uzbekistan Police Department

While innocent, he has been arrested 11 thousand times, mostly by the Uzbekistan Police Department who are genuinely pissed that he still hasn't been convicted. They claimed he was drunk driving, but impressively managed to recite the alphabet backwards while walking in a straight line, proving himself innocen- THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID THEY WEREN'T PAID.

"I don't drink... Who?"

~ Sir John Fraser Calpaticus Obsolete Senior, the Fifth

His annoying ass grandma

"dunno"

~ His grandma

We asked his grandma to elaborate on the statement she made, but she refused, stating;

"still dunno"

~ His grandma

Ties to the Late Roman Empire

why is this a section? like, seriously??? although it is strangely scary how closely he resembles julius caesar.